Quotes and Jokes (7 Viewers)
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Lucky13
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at6
1st Sergeant
Haven't seen one of those in years.
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
MIflyer
1st Lieutenant
Ever hear about the guy who took his motorcycle around back of his home and started working on it in front of the den's sliding glass doors so he could watch TV? His wife heard a crash and found him bleeding on the floor in the den, next to the motorcycle, the glass doors broken. She called 911 and an ambulance arrived and took him to the ER. At the ER they stitched up and bandaged his wounds. He caught a taxi home and found his wife had cleaned up the broken glass and the rest of the mess. He pushed motorcycle back outside and then decided to visit the toilet and figure out what it was going to take to fix the damage.
His wife heard an explosion and found him on the floor in the den again, with fire damage to his nether regions. She had used toilet paper to wipe up the spilled gasoline and thrown it in the toilet. And when he sat there on the toilet and then threw his cigarette butt between his legs into the toilet he got ignition followed by liftoff. His wife called 911 again.
The same ambulance crew arrived and asked him what was going on. He explained to them what had occurred. They laughed so hard they dropped the stretcher while going down the steep stairs to the street; he broke his arm.
His wife heard an explosion and found him on the floor in the den again, with fire damage to his nether regions. She had used toilet paper to wipe up the spilled gasoline and thrown it in the toilet. And when he sat there on the toilet and then threw his cigarette butt between his legs into the toilet he got ignition followed by liftoff. His wife called 911 again.
The same ambulance crew arrived and asked him what was going on. He explained to them what had occurred. They laughed so hard they dropped the stretcher while going down the steep stairs to the street; he broke his arm.
SaparotRob
Unter Gemeine Geschwader Murmeltier XIII
So how's Lucky doing?
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special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following:
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses, so they don't have to mow the grass anymore. They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out and go cruising on their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night--early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.
We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa.
They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses, so they don't have to mow the grass anymore. They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now. They do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out and go cruising on their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night--early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren.
buffnut453
Captain
I'm getting closer to retardment with every passing second...although some would probably say I've been there for years.
Lucky13
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Lucky13
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MIflyer
1st Lieutenant
A bunch of perverts, hanging around at a square, trying to kill time.
- The zoophile : we could abduct a cat.
- The sadistic : we could abduct a cat and molest it.
- The rapist : we could abduct a cat, molest an abuse it.
- The murderer : we could abduct a cat, molest, abuse and kill it.
- The arsonist : we couls abduct a cat, molest, abuse, kill and burn it.
- The masochist : meow !
- The zoophile : we could abduct a cat.
- The sadistic : we could abduct a cat and molest it.
- The rapist : we could abduct a cat, molest an abuse it.
- The murderer : we could abduct a cat, molest, abuse and kill it.
- The arsonist : we couls abduct a cat, molest, abuse, kill and burn it.
- The masochist : meow !
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ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
Which one of us is more beautiful?
special ed
2nd Lieutenant
- 5,747
- May 13, 2018
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
Top Gun!!!
