Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

[Ralph Haus]

Darn, I'm older than dirt!!

Someone asked the other day,,,,,,,,,,,,, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?' 'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up, I informed him, ' All the food was slow .' 'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?' 'It was a place called 'at home,' I explained! 'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work,we sat down together at the dining room table, & if I didn't like what she put on my plate, I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.' By this time, the guy was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. Here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood, if I figured his system could have handled it: Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. My parents never drove me to school. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 10. It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at 11:00 p.m., after playing the national anthem and a poem about God. It came back on the air at about 6:00 a.m. And there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people ... I never had a telephone in my room. Our only phone was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line. Pizzas were not delivered to our home... But milk was & so was bread. All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers -- my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. He had to get up at 5 AM every morning . Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies! There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive. If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Don't blame me if they bust their gut laughing. Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it? MEMORIES: My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. How many do you remember : Head lights dimmer switches on the floor. Ignition switches on the dashboard . Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards . Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner . Using hand signals for cars without turn signals . Older Than Dirt Quiz: Count all the ones that you remember, NOT the ones you were told about ! Ratings at the bottom. 1. Candy cigarettes 2. Coffee shops with table side juke boxes 3. Home milk delivery in glass bottles 4. Party lines on the telephones 5. Newsreels before the movie 6. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (Only 3 channels! If you had a TV!) 7. Pea-shooters 8. Howdy Doody 9. 45 RPM records 10. 78 rpm records 11. Hi-fi records 33 1/3 rpm 12. Metal ice trays with lever 13. Blue flashbulb 14. Cork popguns 15. Studebakers 16. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0-3 = You're still young If you remembered 3-6 = You are getting older If you remembered 7-10 = Don't tell your age, & If you remembered 11-16 = You're older than dirt! THAT'S ME! I might be older than dirt, but those memories are some of the best parts of my life. Don't forget to pass this along! Especially to all your really OLD friends

#17 Hudsons
#18 Skate keys for tightening skates to shoe soles
#19 5 cent candy bars that were big enough to share

probably more, but being this old, hard to remember!

 

[MIflyer]

I remember when TV dinners was considered a treat because we got to eat and watch tv at the same time.

Everything is a TV dinner now. But why did all of those have those little green peas?

 

[SaparotRob]

For the kids to shoot at each other.

 

[GTX]

Oh, I'm feeling old now...

 

[Gnomey]

 

[MIflyer]

We always assumed that the TV Dinner manufacturers bought the entire production run of those green peas every year and put them in every meal they produced. The damn things wandered out of their section during production and got in the mash potatoes, Sailsbary Steak, fried apples, or whatever else was in there. Yuck!

And my High School Physics teacher said that those aluminum trays for the TV dinners would last forever. He said that 1000 years in the future archeologists would dig and find nothing but those trays and the pop tops that came off of drink cans (remember them?) and wonder what in the hell was going on that we produced so many millions of those things for no obvious reason and then threw them away.

Remember how people would pull the pop tops off, stick them in the can, and then choke on them when they swallowed one? I never did that. Recall how people would make necklaces out of the pop tops?

Anyone recall when beer and coke cans were steel instead of aluminum? You did not stomp those things! Crushing one with your hands meant something! Girls would swoon and get married because a guy crushed a beer can. And then after aluminum drink cans came out, the top suddenly got a lot smaller. That was because they figured out that they could make the can much thinner if they made the top both smaller and the only part strong enough to put the opening lever on. Now you can drop a can a couple of feet and put a hole right through the side.

 

[vikingBerserker]

Remember how people would pull the pop tops off, stick them in the can, and then choke on them when they swallowed one?

That's how we weeded out the week ones from the gene pool!!

 

[MIflyer]

That's how we weeded out the week ones from the gene pool!!

It especially weeded out the drunk ones.

My poor Mom, though.... She never stuck the pop top in the can but EVERY time she opened one she would hold her hand in some way that would cause the pop top to slice her thumb open. "Pop!" and the blood would flow. This particularly would happen at the drive-in.

How many people out there have ever been to the drive in to watch a movie rather than to go to a swap meet or something? I think that CA was one of the last places to still have drive in theaters; I think this was because they had not much of a problem with mosquitoes.

There was a company named Drive In Theater Check Out Company. They produced test equipment that would automatically check out the speakers in drive ins by running a continuity check and then produce a print out showing which speakers were bad. GD adopted the DTMCO equipment to test the wiring harnesses in Atlas ballistic missiles the same way. You could either get a few techs and have them sit there with multimeters for a week or so or simply hook up the harness to DTMCO. If not for drive in movie theaters John Glenn might never have made it to orbit.

There is one small town in GA we drive through that used to have a drive in theater with a screen that was so deep that it had rooms behind it. Then one day it was not there any more.

 

[special ed]

How many old timers drove off with the speaker still on the inside of the window? I did only once. She had to be home at a certain time and the movie was not finished. We were still listening until the sound went out. I still have the speaker somewhere and it still worked.

One of my friend lived next to a drive-in and could see the screen from his bedroom. He wired a second speaker to the nearest post and with a long cord had sound in his room.

 

[MIflyer]

I think most of the drive-ins went to broadcasting the sound over the car radio, although the last time I went to one, in around 1982, I believe we still used the speakers.

Some of them had a patio area with speakers so you could sit at picnic tables and watch.

 

[special ed]

Must have been a California thing. The mosquitos would not allow that here (not the DeHavilland kind). They used to sell the mosquito repellant coils for a dollar when you paid admission.

 

[MIflyer]

From Youtube. Another example why strong independent women don't need men.

 

[gumbyk]

From Youtube. Another example why strong independent women don't need men.

View attachment 683606

I've known more than a few guys who would do this...

 

[Greg Boeser]

What's an oil change?

 

[special ed]

A young guy at a bank where I serviced their film machine finally bought his first car. The girls he worked with told me when he picked up his new red sport car, he wanted to take the three of them out. On the interstate he had a flat tire and had never changed a tire before, The girls had to find the jack for him, set it up, and get him to turn the crank handle because non of the girls were strong enough. They taught him to use the wrench and remove the nuts. After the spare was securely on, he rolled the flat/wheelrim away and then was told he needed to put that in the trunk and have the flat fixed. He thought he had to buy the whole wheel/tire replacement.

 

[Shortround6]

You mean I have been buying new tires and rims for 54 years when I could have them fixed!!!!

The nice guy at the GOODYEAR store lied to me!!!!!!

 

[MiTasol]

I've known more than a few guys who would do this...

Back in the 70s a friend in Port Moresby was the VW dealer and he donated an engine to the local tech school and promised a job to the top student who passed the exam he wrote.

The winner got a perfect score and his first job in the shop was an oil change. The teacher had not showed them how to measure oil into an engine so he just pumped it in the filler until it overflowed. Then he tried to start it after finishing all the other jobs. Naturally the oil had migrated up into the distributor, into the cylinders and all sorts of other places that it did not belong so the car was in the shop over a week to fix all the problems.

 

[MIflyer]

A friend of mine had a Porsche 911 that had a unique feature. There was an external filler port for gasoline but also a separate one for oil. You can guess what happened, not to him but to others. I think that feature lasted 1 year in production.

That car had not only an oil pressure gauge but an oil quantity gauge. For the electrical system it had only a light, that glowed a little bit at low RPM and glowed less at higher RPM.

 

[vikingBerserker]

Last Drive-In I went to was about 25 years ago in Waynesville NC. It was next to a cow field (along with the cow aroma) and the lady who ran the snack bar had this giant beehive hairdo. You would also get a large pizza for $12 which was challenge to finish due to the said cow aroma next door.

 

[MIflyer]

In 1993 I was flying my Ercoupe from Maryland down to SC. My planned refueling stop turned out to be IFR when I got there so I turned around and flew 40 miles back up I-95 to an airport I knew was clear, at Roanoke Rapids NC. There I found a nice little field that featured patio chairs made out of bent pipe and stamped steel, like we had in the 60's. And their drink machine served bottles, one of those that you put your money in, opened the little door along one side, and pulled the bottle out by the cap. I was tempted to ask the elderly couple that ran the place if they got visits from tour groups. I am pretty sure there was a drive-in theater not too far away; that would fit the ambiance.

Probably should have asked what year it was.