Quotes and Jokes (8 Viewers)

[Greg Boeser]

I didn't realise that was an option...

It's because you lack imagination and initiative.

 

[MiTasol]

Vegans are upset because animals are killed and then eaten.

They are stupid.

We're not going to eat them alive.

But are completely happy with killing and eating plants

 

[MiTasol]

I didn't realise that was an option...

oysters are best eaten fresh from the shell while the shell is still attached to the rocks

 

[Gnomey]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[Lucky13]

....and now for a classic Airframes joke!

 

[Wurger]

 

[MIflyer]

This is an actual e-mail I received years ago:

I am Mr. Abbott Costello, I am an assessor with a restoration firm.
Now, normally I would just ignore emails like yours. I receive them all
the time. However, my associate and I are having a bit of a problem and I
don't know where else to turn. I'm hoping that you or someone you know may
be able to provide some assistance.
My colleague, Mr. Denton Fender, and I are employed by Global Restoration
Services, headquartered in Melbourne. Our firm has been contracted by the
Zimbabwean government to evaluate the feasibility of the restoration of a
certain tourist site here in Zimbabwe which President Mugabe wishes to have
professionally restored.
Three days ago while assessing the site, Mr. Fender and I came across a
substantial amount of money. Cash, bearer bonds, and other negotiables, all
in U.S. currency. This stash appears to have been placed here within the
last few months. While we're not certain of the exact amount of money, we
estimate that there is between $2M and $4M here.
We have not reported this findings to anyone. Only Mr. Fender and I know
that this money exists, along with whoever put it here.
Unfortunately, there is no way that my colleague and I can take this
money and leave the country. We are under close supervision by government
officials including soldiers from the Zimbabwean National Army.
What we are looking for is someone who can get this money away from here
and into a bank or something where we can access it at a later date. We are
perfectly willing to share this find with you or anyone else who can do this
for us.
Can you help us?
I remain yours,'
Mr. Abbott Costello

 

[special ed]

Bacon especially for "Mr. Denton Fender." Sounds like a collision shop owner.

 

[MIflyer]

I once got another one from a Mr. Lynerd Skynerd and another one that offered an investment opportunity for a new gold mine in Australia. The mining engineer had certified the quality of the ore and was a man of impeccable reputation, a Mr. George Washington.

A friend of mine suggested I send Mr Costello a message from my financial advisor, Mr Laurel Hardy.

 

[GTX]

View attachment 685486

Or was that just bragging to the neighbours during the height of the COVID toilet paper panics...

 

[GTX]

This is an actual e-mail I received years ago:

I am Mr. Abbott Costello, I am an assessor with a restoration firm.
Now, normally I would just ignore emails like yours. I receive them all
the time. However, my associate and I are having a bit of a problem and I
don't know where else to turn. I'm hoping that you or someone you know may
be able to provide some assistance.
My colleague, Mr. Denton Fender, and I are employed by Global Restoration
Services, headquartered in Melbourne. Our firm has been contracted by the
Zimbabwean government to evaluate the feasibility of the restoration of a
certain tourist site here in Zimbabwe which President Mugabe wishes to have
professionally restored.
Three days ago while assessing the site, Mr. Fender and I came across a
substantial amount of money. Cash, bearer bonds, and other negotiables, all
in U.S. currency. This stash appears to have been placed here within the
last few months. While we're not certain of the exact amount of money, we
estimate that there is between $2M and $4M here.
We have not reported this findings to anyone. Only Mr. Fender and I know
that this money exists, along with whoever put it here.
Unfortunately, there is no way that my colleague and I can take this
money and leave the country. We are under close supervision by government
officials including soldiers from the Zimbabwean National Army.
What we are looking for is someone who can get this money away from here
and into a bank or something where we can access it at a later date. We are
perfectly willing to share this find with you or anyone else who can do this
for us.
Can you help us?
I remain yours,'
Mr. Abbott Costello

Pathetic that people still actually get suckered in by these things

 

[buffnut453]

Bacon especially for "Mr. Denton Fender." Sounds like a collision shop owner.

Made me think of the immortal "Click and Clack, the Tappet Brothers."

 

[GTX]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[MIflyer]

From Youtube: