Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Ralph Haus]

This is an actual e-mail I received years ago:

I am Mr. Abbott Costello, I am an assessor with a restoration firm.
Now, normally I would just ignore emails like yours. I receive them all
the time. However, my associate and I are having a bit of a problem and I
don't know where else to turn. I'm hoping that you or someone you know may
be able to provide some assistance.
My colleague, Mr. Denton Fender, and I are employed by Global Restoration
Services, headquartered in Melbourne. Our firm has been contracted by the
Zimbabwean government to evaluate the feasibility of the restoration of a
certain tourist site here in Zimbabwe which President Mugabe wishes to have
professionally restored.
Three days ago while assessing the site, Mr. Fender and I came across a
substantial amount of money. Cash, bearer bonds, and other negotiables, all
in U.S. currency. This stash appears to have been placed here within the
last few months. While we're not certain of the exact amount of money, we
estimate that there is between $2M and $4M here.
We have not reported this findings to anyone. Only Mr. Fender and I know
that this money exists, along with whoever put it here.
Unfortunately, there is no way that my colleague and I can take this
money and leave the country. We are under close supervision by government
officials including soldiers from the Zimbabwean National Army.
What we are looking for is someone who can get this money away from here
and into a bank or something where we can access it at a later date. We are
perfectly willing to share this find with you or anyone else who can do this
for us.
Can you help us?
I remain yours,'
Mr. Abbott Costello

Well, I just got mine. I'm rich !!!! Not sure when Citibank started using gmail though?

CITIBANK INTERNATIONAL NEW YORK
DIRECTOR, FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT
ADDRESS: 87-11 Queens Boulevard, Elmhurst, NY 11373
From Desktop of Mrs. Charlotte Ferguson


Attention Beneficiary

I want to inform you that your outstanding payment of $14.5 Million US Dollars, which has been with our Central paying office from United Nations has been sign out for payment after series of meeting with our board of directors, We have already sent you two various notification mails as regarding to this New Development and it's surprising we haven't received any acknowledgement mail from you up till this time, I am sending you this mail again as a REMINDER and to have your consent as regarding to the Authorization Letter we received from United Nations, Also this payment will come to you via Bank Transfer, We want to conclude all payment as soon as possible. Below is the information required?


1) Full Name:
2) Full Address:
3) Your contact telephone and fax number:
4) Your Age and Profession:
5) Copy of any valid form of your Identification:
6) Your Bank name:
7) Your Bank Address:
8) Account name:
9) Account Number:
10) ABA/Routing Number:
11) Swift or Sort Code:

Thanks and Congratulations I wait your urgent response.

Thanks and remain bless


DIRECTOR OF FUNDS CLEARANCE UNIT.
here an email ( deleted due to the security system alert )

 

[VBF-13]

 

[syscom3]

This is totally appropriate for this WW2 airaft forum, and you guys.

"A P-400 is a P-40 with a Zero on it's tail"

LOL

 

[syscom3]

Well, I just got mine. I'm rich !!!! Not sure when Citibank started using gmail though?

CITIBANK INTERNATIONAL NEW YORK
DIRECTOR, FOREIGN OPERATIONS DEPARTMENT
ADDRESS: 87-11 Queens Boulevard, Elmhurst, NY 11373
From Desktop of Mrs. Charlotte Ferguson


Attention Beneficiary

I want to inform you that your outstanding payment of $14.5 Million US Dollars, which has been with our Central paying office from United Nations has been sign out for payment after series of meeting with our board of directors, We have already sent you two various notification mails as regarding to this New Development and it's surprising we haven't received any acknowledgement mail from you up till this time, I am sending you this mail again as a REMINDER and to have your consent as regarding to the Authorization Letter we received from United Nations, Also this payment will come to you via Bank Transfer, We want to conclude all payment as soon as possible. Below is the information required?


1) Full Name:
2) Full Address:
3) Your contact telephone and fax number:
4) Your Age and Profession:
5) Copy of any valid form of your Identification:
6) Your Bank name:
7) Your Bank Address:
8) Account name:
9) Account Number:
10) ABA/Routing Number:
11) Swift or Sort Code:

Thanks and Congratulations I wait your urgent response.

Thanks and remain bless


DIRECTOR OF FUNDS CLEARANCE UNIT.
here an email ( deleted due to the security system alert )

The grammar gave it away. LOL

 

[vikingBerserker]

Great, now I have to worry about if local singles are really interested in me.

 

[SaparotRob]

The grammar gave it away. LOL

Maybe I should drop by and say hello to them. There's a great pastrami place in that neck of the woods.

 

[MIflyer]

One day several years ago I got an e-mail from the FBI to the general public. I was not sure how to take it.

It said they wanted everyone to know that the FBI does not send out e-mails to the general public.

 

[buffnut453]

Great, now I have to worry about if local singles are really interested in me.

Hate to break it to you....but probably not.

 

[Greg Boeser]

Great, now I have to worry about if local singles are really interested in me.

Hate to break it to you....but probably not.

Never underestimate the desperation of a woman whose biological clock is ticking down.

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[special ed]

 

[SaparotRob]

Talk about sticker shock.

 

[special ed]

If you notice the date. my cousin's neighbor got the estimate and my cousin emailed it two days ago.

 

[special ed]

 

[MIflyer]

Saw where a guy bought a Toyota Prius for $1500. The battery had to be replaced and the cost for that was $4200 and so the orginal owner just wanted to get rid of it. The new owner found he could buy and install a new battery himself for about $1500. But that is for a car that does not run on electricity but just uses an electric motor as an "afterburner" to enable adequate performance out of an excessively wimpy internal combustion engine modified to be more efficient at the cost of power.

 

[Greg Boeser]

View attachment 685776

 

[ThomasP]

re the Volt hybrid battery invoice

It should be noted that the Volt hybrid battery was warrantied for 8 years or 100,000 miles, whichever came first.

The mileage listed on the invoice is only 70,489 - but the vehicle in question is 10 years old (I checked the VIN info) so the vehicle is out of warranty.

The cost of a new Volt OEM hybrid battery is currently ~$6,900 (including some wiring harness and minor bits), and the total cost of replacement (including labor) is ~$9,800.

Someone (not Special Ed - this invoice has appeared on the internet previously) thought they would be clever and added a 2 in front of the parts cost and the total. (edit: it is quite possible that the dealership decided to price gouge the customer.)

Incidentally, I had to replace the hybrid battery in my 2002 Toyota Prius (about 4 years ago) after ~435,000 miles. The hybrid battery cost was $2,900 and the labor was bout $480. My total mileage just passed 584,000.