Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

[Lucky13]

 

[Snautzer01]

 

[Snautzer01]

 

[Snautzer01]

 

[Snowman]

 

[GTX]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bex5LyzbbBE&pp=ygUJdGhlIG9uaW9u

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[ThomasP]

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly.....He in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."

"I have a better idea," she replied. "Just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."

"Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

"Good," she replied. "Get your own fucking blanket."

After a moment of silence, he farted.

 

[ThomasP]

Putin arrives in Mongolia and goes through customs

Customs Officer: Name?

Putin: Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin

Customs Officer: Occupation?

Putin: No, just visiting for now.

 

[ThomasP]

An old couple are sitting in church when the old woman turns to her husband and whispers "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"

The Husband says "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

 

[ThomasP]

My wife: I want to donate some of my clothes to the hungry.

Me: Whoever can fit your clothes definitely isn't hungry.

EMT: And that's the last thing you remember?

 

[ThomasP]

When I was little, a strange old man stepped out of a time machine and punched me for no reason.

Now, after devoting my life to Inventing a time machine of my own, I'm finally ready to go back to when he was little and punch him! Then we'll see how he likes it!