Spare Santa a thought.
- Thread starter k9kiwi
- Start date
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Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Remember these?
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
scotch. Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys? Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losingmoney at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE-
PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a ****ing yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the **** were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you''ve taken me for a sucker the whole ****ing year to come out with some **** like this under the tree.
As if you hadn''t ****** me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Please don''t let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I''ll **** you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the ****ing North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that ****ing bike.
**** YOU SANTA.
Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF- A-BITCH.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all Yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy
Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about
I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa
Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is
peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah
Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa
Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my
mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do? Love,
Teddy
Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that
dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa
Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for
your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan
Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when
riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of
scotch. Santa
Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making
toys? Your friend, Thomas
Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend
most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while
losingmoney at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're
awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica
Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in
whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa
Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE-
PLEASE could I have one? Timmy
Timmy,
That whiney begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap
doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa
Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?
Love, Marky
Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your
ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the
boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams, Santa
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Santa,
You must be surprised that I''m writing to you today, the 26th of December.
Well, I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter. I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform.
I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.
I''m not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.
What balls do you have leaving me a ****ing yo-yo, a stupid whistle and a pair of socks. What the **** were you thinking, you fat son of a bitch, that you''ve taken me for a sucker the whole ****ing year to come out with some **** like this under the tree.
As if you hadn''t ****** me enough, you gave that little faggot across the street so many toys that he can''t even walk into his house.
Please don''t let me see you trying to fit your big fat ass down my chimney next year. I''ll **** you up. I''ll throw rocks at those stupid reindeer and scare them away so you''ll have to walk back to the ****ing North Pole, just like what I have to do now since you didn''t get me that ****ing bike.
**** YOU SANTA.
Next year you''ll find out how bad I can be, you FAT-SON-OF- A-BITCH.
Sincerely,
Little Johnny
Screaming Eagle
Senior Master Sergeant
Heinz
Captain
y'no its lucky he doesn't do 'returns' as he;d be busy all year.
Konigstiger205
Staff Sergeant
Every job has its risks
lesofprimus
Brigadier General
I heard that last year, a squad of Hezbollah scumbags launched 3 SAMs at Santa as he took a shortcut over Lebanon on his way to Greece....
Lucky for him he had his automatic flare dispenser activated....
Lucky for him he had his automatic flare dispenser activated....
