AirForce Humour
- Thread starter Geedee
- Start date
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Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Lmao!
mkloby
Senior Master Sergeant
This is funny... particularly the maintenance officer one (should more appropriately be the maintainers! In the USMC - a pilot is usually the MO)
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Vassili Zaitzev
Master Sergeant
Nice!
!
beaupower32
Tech Sergeant
I got a couple of jokes about the air force. Here go's!
U.S. Air Force- We do more stupid Stuff before 8am than most people do all year.
U.S. Air Force- Using a high school deploma to fix what a college education F*cked up!
45 Reasons to Reenlist
1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this
seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.
2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training
for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.
3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)
4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.
5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more
complicated than picking my nose.
6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of
the 300 thousand people in the air force who out-rank me.
7. Being an adult and having somebody inspect me everyday to make
sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.
8. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.
9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either
the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.
10. Without the air force's influence and good teaching, I would never
have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every
time it rains.
11. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured
hat everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over
any way they possibly can.
12. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning
for a "meeting".
13. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am on leave.
13. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for
human consumption" and "for institutional use only."
14. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly"
picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can
testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having
ever been caught doing drugs in my life.
15. Waking up every morning and going to "staff meeting" where a piece
of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the
offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.
16. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being
told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.
17. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's.
18. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully request
to get a different one. Event then it is only if my "chain of command" permits.
19. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.
20. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around
the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling
the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves
has nothing to do with it.
22. I hate good food.
23. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.
24. I hate spending time with my family.
25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.
26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists rom hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire.
27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.
28. What? You are going on leave?
29. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?
30. Is that local time or Zulu?
30. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up.
31. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.
32. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every year only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old Tech Sgt's and above.
34. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?
35. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.
36. Because only during magic shows and air force working hours are the rules of logic suspended.
37. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted by accumulating points for not getting promoted.
38. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and jacked up whether they need it or not?
39. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice
medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even
pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?
40. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that the air force will do everything it can to screw you over for the rest of your life.
41. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have the tech point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear
them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."
42. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?
43. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the "AIR FORCE WAY"?
44. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm, even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every
DAMN DAY...it builds character.
45. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?
You Might Be a Maintainer If.... A tribute to the Maintainers!!!!
1.You've ever slept on the concrete under a wing
2.You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
3.You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.
4.You know what jet fuel tastes like.
5.You've ever used a grease pencil to fix an overworn tire.
6.You have a better benchstock in the pockets of your flightsuit than the
supply system.
7.You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
8.You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (or ever spray-painted
them black)
9.You refer to a pilot as a "control stick actuator."
10.You've ever been told to go get "some engine wash and a yard of
flightline."
11.You've ever worked a 14 hour shift on a aircraft that isn't flying the
next day.
12.You've ever said "as long as she starts every other try you'll be fine
sir."
13.You believe the aircraft has a soul.
14.You talk to the aircraft.
15.You've ever said, "That nav light burned out after launch."
16.You've ever used a wheel chock as a hammer.
17.The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.
18.You know more about your coworkers than you do about your own family.
19.You've ever looked for pictures of "your" aircraft in aviation books.
20.You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.
21.You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"
22.You take it as a badge of honor to be just called " a Det Hound."
23.You relieve yourself more often outdoors than indoors.
24.You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a Maintainer.
25.You think everyone who isn't a Maintainer is a wimp....
26.You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
27.You've ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.
28.Used dykes to trim a fingernail.
29.Wiped leaks immediately prior to crew show.
30.Worn someone else's cover to chow.
31.All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.
32.Wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid
rules.
33.You've ever had to defuel an aircraft an hour after refueling it.
U.S. Air Force- We do more stupid Stuff before 8am than most people do all year.
U.S. Air Force- Using a high school deploma to fix what a college education F*cked up!
45 Reasons to Reenlist
1. Yesterday sucked, today sucked, tomorrow is going to suck, and this
seems to be a pretty solid forecast for the rest of my enlistment.
2. Spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year training
for something that there is a 99.9% chance that we will never do.
3. WWWDWOA? (what would we do without acronyms?)
4. Taking simple daily tasks and breaking them down into nuclear physics before doing them.
5. Having to attend a brief prior to carrying out any task more
complicated than picking my nose.
6. Being a personal servant (that's basically all I am) to any one of
the 300 thousand people in the air force who out-rank me.
7. Being an adult and having somebody inspect me everyday to make
sure I put my clothes on properly, and put my shoes on the right feet.
8. Having to wear a "cover," or hat, every time I want to go outside.
9. I love cleaning the same places over and over and over until either
the paint comes off or my hands are bleeding.
10. Without the air force's influence and good teaching, I would never
have realized that you can sweep water with a broom for hours every
time it rains.
11. There just isn't that many jobs out there where you can rest assured
hat everyone you work for is just waiting to screw you over
any way they possibly can.
12. If I got out, I would surely miss the idea of waking up every morning
for a "meeting".
13. Getting to wear civilian clothes whenever I am on leave.
13. Getting to eat meat that comes in boxes labeled " not fit for
human consumption" and "for institutional use only."
14. Getting "random" drug tests every couple of weeks. I was "randomly"
picked for every test for almost two years straight. Not many people can
testify to taking about 50 drug tests in the past two years without having
ever been caught doing drugs in my life.
15. Waking up every morning and going to "staff meeting" where a piece
of paper is read to me even though it is posted on the wall and on the
offices internet, both of which I have access to. I guess I can't read.
16. Going to medical complaining of severe heart and chest pain and being
told to come back during "sick-call" the next day.
17. I love the fact that my opinion has about as much influence as my sister's pet iguana's.
18. Because no matter how much I hate my job, I have to respectfully request
to get a different one. Event then it is only if my "chain of command" permits.
19. You do not have to respect the person, you have to respect what they wear on their collar or sleeve.
20. I love the fact that the military wonders why we have so many people around
the world that hate our country. I am sure that us being bullies and telling
the world what they can and cannot do, then ignoring those rules ourselves
has nothing to do with it.
22. I hate good food.
23. I love the " you are U.S. ambassadors" speech.
24. I hate spending time with my family.
25. Not only getting to do my own job, but getting stuck with as many additional duties as my chain of command wants to give me.
26. Having to change your computer password every two weeks to keep terrorists rom hacking into our email or even playing a innocent game of solitaire.
27. When you get out you will only be 38-40. You still have your entire life ahead of you. Yeah, okay, I want my life to start at 38.
28. What? You are going on leave?
29. Oh, look...There's the boss. We better all stand at attention until he tells us we can move. Do they do that in the civilian world too?
30. Is that local time or Zulu?
30. I want to work somewhere that has total control of my paycheck so that they can take half if I mess up.
31. If I get in trouble out in town I would like to get woken up the next day at 6 am and have to stand in front of my boss, manager, assistant manager, and anyone else who has nothing better to do so that they can all chew my ass.
32. Can we be tested to make sure we are physically-fit every year only please make exceptions to this for enormously fat 30+ year old Tech Sgt's and above.
34. Where else can you pay taxes to pay your own paycheck?
35. You take an oath to support and defend the Constitution, and after that the Constitution doesn't even apply to you.
36. Because only during magic shows and air force working hours are the rules of logic suspended.
37. Because no-matter how stupid you are, you will eventually get promoted by accumulating points for not getting promoted.
38. Because where else can you get your teeth drilled and jacked up whether they need it or not?
39. Where else can you get given shots by people who claim to practice
medicine that didn't even graduate from high school, and can't even
pronounce the name of the drug that they are injecting you with?
40. Because if you've had enough military bullshit for one lifetime and you want to quit, you can rest assured that the air force will do everything it can to screw you over for the rest of your life.
41. Because it's fun to go to medical to get your eye checked out and have the tech point a light in your eye for ten minutes until you are blind and then to hear
them say, "that was cool, let's try the other one."
42. Why did our parents even bother giving us first names?
43. IN what other job can you do things NOT the RIGHT WAY, but the "AIR FORCE WAY"?
44. Sitting around twiddling my thumbs all day long until about 4:00pm, even though I finished all of my work by ten in the morning is really fun to do every
DAMN DAY...it builds character.
45. Who really wants to have any control over their life anyway?
You Might Be a Maintainer If.... A tribute to the Maintainers!!!!
1.You've ever slept on the concrete under a wing
2.You've ever said, "Oh yes sir, it's supposed to look like that."
3.You've ever sucked LOX to cure a hangover.
4.You know what jet fuel tastes like.
5.You've ever used a grease pencil to fix an overworn tire.
6.You have a better benchstock in the pockets of your flightsuit than the
supply system.
7.You've ever used a piece of safety wire as a toothpick.
8.You've ever had to say, "My boots are still black!" (or ever spray-painted
them black)
9.You refer to a pilot as a "control stick actuator."
10.You've ever been told to go get "some engine wash and a yard of
flightline."
11.You've ever worked a 14 hour shift on a aircraft that isn't flying the
next day.
12.You've ever said "as long as she starts every other try you'll be fine
sir."
13.You believe the aircraft has a soul.
14.You talk to the aircraft.
15.You've ever said, "That nav light burned out after launch."
16.You've ever used a wheel chock as a hammer.
17.The only thing you know about any city is where the good bars are.
18.You know more about your coworkers than you do about your own family.
19.You've ever looked for pictures of "your" aircraft in aviation books.
20.You can't figure out why maintenance officers exist.
21.You ever wished the pilot would just say, "Great aircraft!"
22.You take it as a badge of honor to be just called " a Det Hound."
23.You relieve yourself more often outdoors than indoors.
24.You can't comprehend why everyone doesn't want to be a Maintainer.
25.You think everyone who isn't a Maintainer is a wimp....
26.You can sleep anywhere, anytime, but as soon as the engines shut down you are wide awake.
27.You've ever stood on wheel chocks to keep your feet dry.
28.Used dykes to trim a fingernail.
29.Wiped leaks immediately prior to crew show.
30.Worn someone else's cover to chow.
31.All you care about is the flying schedule and your days off.
32.Wondered where they keep finding the idiots that keep making up stupid
rules.
33.You've ever had to defuel an aircraft an hour after refueling it.
