Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!

[Matt308]

Good one.

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Matt308]

Just out of curiosity, has anyone used the icons at the bottom of posts (ie Wong this post, spurl this post, reddit, etc). What do they do? I'm afraid to just click on the icons and piss Gnomey off.

 

[cheddar cheese]

Something to do with saving posts I think...not too sure though

 

[Matt308]

Okay. So I didn't ask a dipsh!t question. I'll have to mark this day in my calendar.

 

[Gnomey]

It wouldn't piss me off but you might get one back at some point...

 

[the lancaster kicks ass]

ok so who's gonna be the first to find out?

 

[rochie]

a lady at a party said to winston churchill
"sir you are drunk"
"yes madam but in the morning i'll be sober but you will still be ugly"
he replied

 

[Matt308]

I think CCs right. You set up an account with these other sites and can archive wonderful posts from the world famous Lanc. No thanks.

 

[cheddar cheese]

Im always right... 8)

 

[Henk]

Caution!



A "heads up" for you and any of your friends who may be regular Home Depot
customers.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out
shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite
traumatic.Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you.

Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 18 or 19-year-old
girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping items into the
trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with
their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible
not to look.

When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you
for a ride to another Home Depot. You agree and they get in the back seat.On
the way, they start having sex with each other. Then one of them climbs over
into the front seat and performs oral sex on you, while the other one steals
your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen October 4th , 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,
17th,20th, three times just yesterday, and very likely again this upcoming
weekend as soon as I can buy some more wallets.

I will have fake wallets with a lot of shit in it not real money and then have one hell of a time, no here they drink up all your money, smoke up all your smokes and then you find out 9 months later you are a daddy.

 

[k9kiwi]

I use a contraceptive device these days.

Down here we call it a WIFE

 

[Maestro]

a lady at a party said to winston churchill
"sir you are drunk"
"yes madam but in the morning i'll be sober but you will still be ugly"
he replied

I heard something similar about Churchill...

A lady come to his table and say :

"Sir, if I was your wife, I would put poison in your tea."
"Madam, if I was your husband, I would drink it" he replied.

 

[Matt308]

I use a contraceptive device these days.

Down here we call it a WIFE

 

[Matt308]

Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go.

Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii.
I went to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant.

Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again.

Last year you suggested Tahiti
and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again."

Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?"

Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earlene with me."

 

[v2]

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the dining room table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.

She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of coffee. "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?" The husband looks up, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks
solemnly. The wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

"Yes, I do," she replies. The husband pauses. The words are not coming easily. "Do you remember when your mother caught us behind the couch making love?"

"Yes, I remember." says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continues..."Do you remember when she shoved a shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years?'"

"I remember that, too." she replies softly.

He wipes another tear from his cheek and says..."I would have gotten out today."

 

[Matt308]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wildcat]