the lancaster kicks ass
Major General
- 19,937
- Dec 20, 2003
haha, love 'em all..........
Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!
- Thread starter Pisis
- Start date
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cheddar cheese
Major General
Ha
A Kiwi builder was showing the new owners around their house he was just finishing building.
The lady was instructing him on the colours she wanted for each room.
Starting in the kitchen she said "A lovely light creamy yellow for this room".
The Kiwi walks to the front door and shouts "GREEN SIDE UP".
Confused the couple move into the lounge, where the lady requests a neutral light green colour. The Kiwi walks back to the door and shouts "GREEN SIDE UP".
After explaining the colours they wanted for the bathroom and hearing the Kiwi shout "GREEN SIDE UP" again, the couple were worried.
The lady asked the builder "Why is it every time I say a colour you shout out Green side up?.
"No worries" replies the Kiwi "I have got a couple of Aussies laying the lawn."
The lady was instructing him on the colours she wanted for each room.
Starting in the kitchen she said "A lovely light creamy yellow for this room".
The Kiwi walks to the front door and shouts "GREEN SIDE UP".
Confused the couple move into the lounge, where the lady requests a neutral light green colour. The Kiwi walks back to the door and shouts "GREEN SIDE UP".
After explaining the colours they wanted for the bathroom and hearing the Kiwi shout "GREEN SIDE UP" again, the couple were worried.
The lady asked the builder "Why is it every time I say a colour you shout out Green side up?.
"No worries" replies the Kiwi "I have got a couple of Aussies laying the lawn."
A mother and her very young son were flying Westjet Airlines from Ottawa to Calgary. The little boy who had been quietly looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to go ask the flight attendant. So the boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant who was busy serving drinks.
She smiled and asked, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy answered, "Yes, she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your Mom that there are no baby airplanes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
The mother who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to go ask the flight attendant. So the boy walked down the aisle and asked the flight attendant who was busy serving drinks.
She smiled and asked, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy answered, "Yes, she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your Mom that there are no baby airplanes because Westjet always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."
Matt308
Glock Perfection
An oldie but goodie. 
Yep
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Wurger. Now I know you're married.
cheddar cheese
Major General
Apparently its me that steals the covers in the night...but why would I complain
Matt308
Glock Perfection
Because he sleeps on the other side of your bed?
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
Sorry. Couldn't resist.
cheddar cheese
Major General
Dont confuse me more than I already am
Matt308
Glock Perfection
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking
company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the
lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde 's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule, Bessie". Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.
"Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign
and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and
Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't
want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I
knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the
accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie
moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and
saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the
eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at
me, and said, "And how are you feeling?"
company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the
lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just
loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer
the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm
fine!'?"
Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was
driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after
the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.
Please tell him to simply answer the question."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde 's answer and
said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his
favorite mule, Bessie". Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.
"Well as I was saying, I had just
loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her
down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign
and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and
Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't
want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I
knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the
accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie
moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and
saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the
eyes.
Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at
me, and said, "And how are you feeling?"
Wildcat
Major
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