Quotes and Jokes 1 (25 Viewers)

[MiTasol]

An Aussie guy went out duck hunting and a gust of wind blew, his gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in his private parts.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK.

The damage was local, to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly," answered the doctor.

"She's a flute player in the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. . She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.

 

[MiTasol]

Some old guys will agree with this one

 

[Vic Balshaw]

Some old guys will agree with this one

I played it and the missus came running, thought it was me calling.

 

[yosimitesam]

View attachment 731624

 

[Greg Boeser]

View attachment 732002

At least he's wearing a seat belt!

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[syscom3]

Mother of the year material. LOL

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Greg Boeser]

Mother of the year material. LOL

View attachment 732056

This is my wife trying to make her connecting flight in Amsterdam.

 

[GTX]

 

[GTX]

 

[A4K]

Looks like another Gary Larson fan

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Frog]

 

[Greg Boeser]

View attachment 732233

That's the one I use at work. Who says the army doesn't teach valuable skills?

 

[Frog]

That's the one I use at work. Who says the army doesn't teach valuable skills?

Army behavior : when you have two conflicting orders, execute both.

 

[Lucky13]