Maestro
Master Sergeant
As I thought the Muppets were dead, I just found this...
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7UmUX68KtE
Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
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As I thought the Muppets were dead, I just found this...
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7UmUX68KtE
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
mikewint
Captain
One evening Snow White decided she was sleepy and announced to the seven dwarfs that she was going to bed.
After the usual lengthy round of "Good Nights" she went upstairs. Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.
After a minute or two he whispered down, "She's taking off her blouse!" and this was echoed down the stack "taking off her blouse," "she's taking off her blouse," "blouse is coming off," "taking off her blouse," etc.
Next Grumpy whispered, "She's taking off her skirt," which was followed by the echoes "taking off her skirt," "she's taking off her skirt," "skirt's coming off," "taking off her skirt," etc.
The next report from Grumpy was, "She's taking off her bra!" and the chorus echoed down the line. Then, "She's taking off her panties!" which again cascaded down the dwarf tower.
Suddenly Grumpy heard something, looked around and from his vantage point saw someone approaching through the woods so he warned, "Someone's coming!!!" and from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too."
After the usual lengthy round of "Good Nights" she went upstairs. Immediately all seven dwarfs rushed outside and began standing on each others shoulders beneath Snow White's bedroom window. Tonight was Grumpy's turn to be on the top and as he was the only one who could see in the window it was his duty to inform the other dwarfs what she was doing.
After a minute or two he whispered down, "She's taking off her blouse!" and this was echoed down the stack "taking off her blouse," "she's taking off her blouse," "blouse is coming off," "taking off her blouse," etc.
Next Grumpy whispered, "She's taking off her skirt," which was followed by the echoes "taking off her skirt," "she's taking off her skirt," "skirt's coming off," "taking off her skirt," etc.
The next report from Grumpy was, "She's taking off her bra!" and the chorus echoed down the line. Then, "She's taking off her panties!" which again cascaded down the dwarf tower.
Suddenly Grumpy heard something, looked around and from his vantage point saw someone approaching through the woods so he warned, "Someone's coming!!!" and from the next dwarf to the bottom dwarf was heard, "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too." "Me too."
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Maestro
Master Sergeant
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Monte Casino went to the local
church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the
man said, "Father, during World War II, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and
asked me to hide her from the enemy. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied, "That was a wonderful thing you did, my son! And you have no
need to confess that."
"It's worse than that, father. She started to repay me with sexual favors."
The priest said, "By doing that, you were both in great danger.
However, two people under those circumstances can be very tempted to act that way.
But if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. But I do have one more question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
mikewint
Captain
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
A middle aged women decides to have a face lift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how
old do you think I am?"
"About 32," was the reply."I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about 29."
The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good about herself. She
stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.
The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30."
Again she proudly responds, "I am 47, but thank you."
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then I can tell you exactly how old you are."
They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of her.
She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead!"
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and under her bra and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. After a couple of minutes of this, she said, "Okay, okay, how old am I?"
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts and removes his hands and says, "Madam, you are 47."
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible, how did you know?"
The old man replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
