Quotes and Jokes

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All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen..

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.
Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..
It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
 
Just Trying To Help

I was in Costco the other day, pushing a cart around, when I collided with a young guy also pushing his cart.

I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going.."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's just a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate.

So, I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"

The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, with blond hair, green eyes, great legs, big boobs and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your wife look like?"

I said, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."

TO
 
Ya just gotta reward brilliance:




The English test had only one question: "Write an essay on 'The Most Beautiful Thing I Ever Saw.'"

One of the students finished his essay in less than a minute. It read in its entirety: "The most beautiful thing I ever saw was just too beautiful for words."

He got the only A in the class.






today'sTHOT============================

What do we want?
PROCRASTINATION!
When do we want it?
Next week!
 
(just got this in an email)

EUROPEAN STANDARD ENGLISH
The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will
be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the
other contender. Her Majesty's Government conceded that English
spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five year
phasing in of "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will
make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in
favour of the "k", which should klear up some konfusion and allow one
key less on keyboards.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the
troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f", making words like "fotograf"
20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted
to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have
always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the
horible mes of the silent "e" is disgrasful.
By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptive to steps such as replasing
"th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords
kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer
kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl
riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil
find it ezi to understand ech ozer.
ZE DREM VIL
FINALI KUM TRU!
 
zee ow zimpl
The Phaomnneil Pweor of the Hmuan Mnid

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is that the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the human mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Pterty amzanig, huh?
 
Last edited:
TRAVEL WARNING

The federal government has issued a travel warning due to the cold weather.

They suggest that anyone traveling in the current blizzard conditions should make sure they carry the following:

- Shovel
- Blankets or sleeping bag
- Extra clothing including hat and gloves
- 24 hours worth of food
- De-icer
- Rock salt
- Flashlight with spare batteries
- Road flares or reflective triangles
- Full spare gas can
- First aid kit
- Booster cables

I looked like an idiot on the bus this morning.







today'sTHOT============================

My oven has a "Stop Time" button on it. It probably means "Stop Timer" but I don't touch it just in case.
 
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