Quotes and Jokes
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mikewint
Captain
Husband: Shall we try a new positon tonight?
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!
Wife: Sure. You stand by the ironing board and I'll sit on the couch and drink beer and fart!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
LOL
mikewint
Captain
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Mike....we're starting to worry about you!
GrauGeist
Generalfeldmarschall zur Luftschiff Abteilung
CHOOSING A WIFE
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon and gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents him with the gifts, she tells him she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs...
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon and gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents him with the gifts, she tells him she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Happy huntin'!
A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The
father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet." The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' Well, I guess I just panicked."
A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The
father said, "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later, the father heard a bloodcurdling scream and ran back to his son. "What's wrong?" the father asked. "I told you to be quiet." The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder. I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me. I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat. I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' Well, I guess I just panicked."
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
mikewint
Captain
ToughOmbre
Senior Master Sergeant
Super Bowl Ticket
A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.
"No," she said, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right ...mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I
was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else... a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The woman shakes her head, "No, they're all at the funeral."
TO
A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her.
"No," she said, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right ...mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I
was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else... a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"
The woman shakes her head, "No, they're all at the funeral."
TO
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
mikewint
Captain
