Best Short Letters (stolen shamelessly from this blog:
Home on the Range)
Dear TSA,
"Hi, Jack" isn't the same as "hijack."
Sincerely, was only greeting a friend.
Dear Lady GaGa,
At what point did you think wearing meat was a good idea?
Sincerely, hungry kids in Africa.
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns
Dear mailman,
How does your dog react when you get home?
Sincerely, curious.
Dear Oxford,
If you misspell a word, will we ever know?
Sincerely, genuinely concerned.
Dear 72-hour deodorant,
Sincerely, why?
Dear Students,
I know when you're texting.
Sincerely, No one just looks down at their crotch and smiles
Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Justin Bieber is the payback.
Sincerely, Canada
Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle
Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic
Dear Iceberg,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic
Dear Titanic,
OM NOM NOM.
Sincerely, Iceberg
Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google
Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed
Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder
Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin
Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Captain Marvel
Dear idiots,
Please pull your pants up so we can't see your underwear and get a job
Sincerely, a taxpayer tired of supporting you and your 5 illegitimate children.
Dear Fork,
I understand that we haven't spoken since I ran away with dish, but I thought you should know that you have a son. His name is spork. He has your hair.
Sincerely, Spoon
Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies
Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore
Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans
Dear Kids,
There is no Santa. Those presents are from your parents.
Sincerely, Wikileaks
Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco . . .
Sincerely, United States
Dear President Obama,
Please go screw Michelle for a change.
Sincerely,
The American Taxpayer