Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

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A man came home late in the evening.
When passing in front of his daughter's room, he could hear a strange noise.
"What does this mean, he thought, a libidinous guy in my daughter's room!"
He opened the door abruptly, and caught her daughter in the act of playing with a dildo.
"I don't like men, she said, and I don't like women! This is the only way for me to have pleasure".
The day after, when the mother entered the dining-room, she saw her husband
sitting, and in front of him, on the table, two glasses of whisky and a dildo.
"What are you doing?" she said.
"Don't you see, I'm just having an aperitif with my son in law!"
 
A man came home late in the evening.
When passing in front of his daughter's room, he could hear a strange noise.
"What does this mean, he thought, a libidinous guy in my daughter's room!"
He opened the door abruptly, and caught her daughter in the act of playing with a dildo.
"I don't like men, she said, and I don't like women! This is the only way for me to have pleasure".
The day after, when the mother entered the dining-room, she saw her husband
sitting, and in front of him, on the table, two glasses of whisky and a dildo.
"What are you doing?" she said.
"Don't you see, I'm just having an aperitif with my son in law!"
 
"Have you ever seen a twenty Pound note all crumpled up?" asked my wife.
"No," I said.
She gave me a sexy little smile, reached into her cleavage and pulled out a crumpled twenty pound note.
"Have you ever seen a fifty pound note all crumpled up?" she asked.
"No," I said.
She gave me another sexy little smile, reached into her knickers and pulled out a crumpled fifty pound note.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen £30,000 all crumpled up?"
"No," I said, intrigued.

"Well, go and take a quick look in the garage."
 
A man stopped at a local gas station and after filling his tank, he paid the bill and bought a soft drink.

He stood by his car to drink his cola and watched a couple of men working along the roadside. One man would dig a hole two or three feet deep and then move on. The other man came along behind him and filled in the hole. While one was digging a new hole, the other was 25 feet behind filling in the hole. The men worked right past the guy with the soft drink and went on down the road.

"I can't stand this," said the man tossing the can into a recycle container and heading down the road toward the men. "Hold it, hold it," he said to the men. "Can you tell me what's going on here with all this digging and refilling?"

"Well, we work for the government and we're just doing our job," one of the men said.

"But one of you is digging a hole and the other fills it up. You're not accomplishing anything. Aren't you wasting the taxpayers' money?"

"You don't understand, mister," one of the men said, leaning on his shovel and wiping his brow. "Normally there's three of us: me, Greg and Matt. I dig the hole, Greg sticks in the tree, and Matt here puts the dirt back. Greg's job's been cut so now it's just me an' Matt."
 

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