Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

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After the annual office Christmas party blow-out, John woke up with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed, and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening.

After a trip to the bathroom he was able to make his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him.

"Louise," he moaned, "tell me what went on last night. Was it as bad as I think?"

"Even worse," she assured him in her most scornful one. "You made a complete ass of yourself, succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and insulted the chairman of the company to his face."

"He's an arrogant, self-important prick, piss on him!"

"You did. All over his suit, " Louise informed him. "And he fired you."

"Well, screw him," said John.

"I did. You're back at work on Monday."
 
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit

Jump out across the middle of the road.



He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the

Rabbit jumps right in front of the car.



The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover,

pulls over and gets out to see what has become of the rabbit.

Much to his dismay, the rabbit is The Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD.



The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.

A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway

Sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over.

She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.



"I feel terrible," ! He explains,

"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."



The blonde says, "Don't worry."

She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.

She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,

Bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.



The Easter Bunny jumps up!

It waves its paw and hops off down the road.


Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves again.

He hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves,

hops another ten feet, turns and waves,

hops another ten feet, turns and waves

and repeats this again and again and again and again,

until he hops out of sight.



The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands,

"What is in that can? What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"



The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.

It says..



(Now, are you ready for this?)



(You know you're gonna be sorry)



(Last chance to get out of this)



(OK, you asked for it, here it is)



It says,



"Hair Spray, Restores Life to Dead Hair,

And Adds Permanent Wave."
 
husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."
 

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