Quotes and Jokes

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The day before Father's Day, Mary Murhpy took her three-year-old son, Paddy, to the Easons to pick out a card for his Da. Inside, she showed him the cards and asked him to pick one.

Paddy was picking up one card after another, opening them up and quickly shoving them back into slots. "Paddy, what are ya doing?" Mary asked. "Haven't you found a nice card for your Da yet?"

"No," he replied. "I'm looking for one with money in it."
 
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night.
He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, John, what was your toast?" John Said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come".
 
Saw this, this morning and had a good laugh:

 
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