Quotes and Jokes (7 Viewers)
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My 8 year old son told me this one told and I thought it was clever...
What do you call a nose with no body?
Nobody nose!
What do you call a nose with no body?
Nobody nose!
A4K
Brigadier General
Gotta love kid's jokes! This from my brother's oldest son:
-What did the pirates peg and hook cost him?
-An arm and a leg
And some we told as kids:
-Mummy. mummy! Why are we pushing the caravan off a cliff?
-Shhhhh! You'll wake your father up!
-Mummy, mummy! I hate grandma's guts!
-Just leave them on the side of the plate then, and eat your vegetables.
-Doctor, doctor! I feel like a bridge!
-What's come over you?
-12 cars, 2 buses, 4 bikes....
-What type of car does Tarzan drive?
-A Mazda tree to tree
-How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbuild?
-Two. But they have to be very small...
Most were worse than these, these are some of the printable ones
-What did the pirates peg and hook cost him?
-An arm and a leg
And some we told as kids:
-Mummy. mummy! Why are we pushing the caravan off a cliff?
-Shhhhh! You'll wake your father up!
-Mummy, mummy! I hate grandma's guts!
-Just leave them on the side of the plate then, and eat your vegetables.
-Doctor, doctor! I feel like a bridge!
-What's come over you?
-12 cars, 2 buses, 4 bikes....
-What type of car does Tarzan drive?
-A Mazda tree to tree
-How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbuild?
-Two. But they have to be very small...
Most were worse than these, these are some of the printable ones
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Yer coat's on the peg over there Evan !
A4K
Brigadier General
...Right next to my Aussie hat!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
I laughed.
>> A large group of Isis fighters in Iraq are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune: "One Marine is better than ten Isis fighters". The Isis commander quickly orders 10 of best men over the dune where a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.
>>
>> The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
>>
>> The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ..... then silence.
>>
>> Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of them."
>>
>> The voice once again calls out: "One Marine is better than one hundred Isis 'S.O.B.'s'". Furious, the Isis commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gun fight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.
>>
>> The voice calls out again: "One Marine is better than a thousand Isis fighters." The enraged Isis commander musters 1,000 fighters and sends them to the other side of the dune. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought ..... then silence.
>>
>> Eventually, one badly wounded Isis fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men ... it's a trap. There's two of them."
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
A MARINE SHORT STORY
Our Skipper was fearless. His name was Mike Gehring. Our General gave a collective "Ass Chewing" to all. In fact he went on so long; his audience was getting pissed, instead of getting the "Message". Lots of groans and sniffs about.
Finally the General concluded with, "Is there anyone out there who doesn't understand what I said or has any questions?"
Total silence. Then I see Skipper Gehring's right arm starting to ascend! Nuts!
The General saw it and said, "State your name and question."
Mike didn't miss a beat, "Lt Col. Mike Gehring Sir. I'm sick of all the preferential treatment the helicopter pilots are getting around here. Something needs to be done about it."
The General, along with all the others present were stunned!
Finally the General came back with, "What the hell are you talking about? "
Mike again, never skipped a beat. He said, "General, YOU might not have noticed, but believe me, the rest of us do. Anywhere we go on base, every prime parking spot is reserved for helicopter pilots! The Club, the Exchange, the Dispensary, even the Wing Headquarters! The best, closest parking spot is always reserved for the helo drivers! You have to have seen them General. They're clearly marked "Handicapped!"
For about five seconds there was total silence, and then total pandemonium! Cheers, jeers and catcalls, all over... as the theater emptied.
The General never said another word
Our Skipper was fearless. His name was Mike Gehring. Our General gave a collective "Ass Chewing" to all. In fact he went on so long; his audience was getting pissed, instead of getting the "Message". Lots of groans and sniffs about.
Finally the General concluded with, "Is there anyone out there who doesn't understand what I said or has any questions?"
Total silence. Then I see Skipper Gehring's right arm starting to ascend! Nuts!
The General saw it and said, "State your name and question."
Mike didn't miss a beat, "Lt Col. Mike Gehring Sir. I'm sick of all the preferential treatment the helicopter pilots are getting around here. Something needs to be done about it."
The General, along with all the others present were stunned!
Finally the General came back with, "What the hell are you talking about? "
Mike again, never skipped a beat. He said, "General, YOU might not have noticed, but believe me, the rest of us do. Anywhere we go on base, every prime parking spot is reserved for helicopter pilots! The Club, the Exchange, the Dispensary, even the Wing Headquarters! The best, closest parking spot is always reserved for the helo drivers! You have to have seen them General. They're clearly marked "Handicapped!"
For about five seconds there was total silence, and then total pandemonium! Cheers, jeers and catcalls, all over... as the theater emptied.
The General never said another word
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
LMAO!!!!!!
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Night Fighter Nut
Master Sergeant
Two engineering students were walking across campus when a fellow engineer student rode up to them on a motor bike. They inquired when he got his new motor bike. He responded that while walking along, a beautiful girl rode up to him on the motor bike, removed her clothes, and told him to take what he wanted.
They told him, "Good choice, the clothes wouldn't have fit."
They told him, "Good choice, the clothes wouldn't have fit."
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO!
A4K
Brigadier General
