Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

While not so much a joke all seem Valid!

GREAT TRUTHS

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man
is a shame, two is a law firm,and three or more is a congress. -- John Adams

2. If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the
newspaper you are misinformed. -- Mark Twain

3.Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress.
But then I repeat myself.-- Mark Twain


4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like
a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
--Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on
the support of Paul. -- George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man,
which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

7.Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting
on what to have for dinner. --James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

8.Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries
to rich people in poor countries. -- Douglas Case, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University .

9.Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car
keys to teenage boys. -- P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10.Government is the great fiction,through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of
everybody else. -- Frederic Bastiat,French economist (1801-1850)

11.Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few
short phrases: If it moves,tax it. If it keeps moving,regulate it. And if it stops
moving, subsidize it. --Ronald Reagan (1986)


12. I don't make jokes.I just watch the government and report the facts.
-- Will Rogers


13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what
it costs when it's free! -- P. J. O'Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as
possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
--Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics
won't take an interest in you!-- Pericles (430 B.C.)

16. No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
-- Mark Twain (1866)


17. Talk is cheap, except when Congress does it. -- Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite
at one end and no responsibility at the other. -- Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal
sharing of the blessings.The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
-- Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin.
-- Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.
- Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22.There is no distinctly Native American criminal class, save Congress. -- Mark Twain

23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
--Edward Langley,Artist (1928-1995)

24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong
enough to take everything you have.
-- Thomas Jefferson

25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
-- Aesop

FIVE
BEST SENTENCES

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity, by legislating the wealthy out of
prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working
for, another person must work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody
anything that the government does not first take from
somebody else.

4. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

5. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to work, because the other half is going to take care of
them, and when the other half gets the idea that it does no good to work,because somebody else is going to get what they
work for, that is the beginning of the end of any nation!

This is exactly the same look you will get from your friends if you tell them
you think Obama has done a good job and you plan to vote for Hillary Clinton.

Squirrels and Religion...

There were four churches and a synagogue in a small Ohio town: a Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue.

Each church and the synagogue had a problem with squirrels.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.

At the Baptist church the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and knew instinctively how to swim so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist Church. Two weeks later the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative strategy. They baptized all the squirrels and consecrated them as members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue, but it's rumoured that they took one squirrel and circumcised him and they haven't seen a squirrel on their property since.

can understand the circumcised squirrel, after I was born I was circumcised, couldn't walk for a year

An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

Ya' gotta love this guy!!!!!
Meet Walter Barnes - All golfers should live so long as to become this kind of old man!
Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"
80% held up their hands. The Minister then repeated his question. All responded this time, except one man, Walter Barnes.
"Mr Barnes, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"
"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.
"Mr Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"
"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.
"Oh, Mr Barnes, would you please come down in front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years and not have an enemy in the world?"
The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,
"I outlived all the " b........... and then he calmly returned to his seat

Excellent on both counts...

LMFAO!! Ten thumbs up....Helium Beer:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3V9QHBgrPNY

Good job we only had Speckled Hen at the campsite at Duxford, and not helium beer, otherwise we'd all have needed fresh trousers !

That video was the hardest I'd laughed in years.