Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Some old classics....
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Signs of the times ....
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
Crimea_River
Marshal
The secret is out! Anus beef is the best!
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
michaelmaltby
Colonel
fubar57
General
SANCER
Senior Master Sergeant
SOLUTION
-A lady is going to take out her passport. The official in turn asks:
- How many children do you have, ma'am?
- Ten.
- How are they called?
- Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, and Bernardo.
- Everyone's name is Bernardo?
- And how do you call them when, for example, they are all playing outside?
- Very simple, I scream Bernardo and everyone enters.
- What if he wants them to go eat?
- Same. I scream Bernardo and everyone sits down to eat.
- But if you want to talk to one in particular, how do you do it?
- Ah! In that case, I call him by his last name....
Saludos
-A lady is going to take out her passport. The official in turn asks:
- How many children do you have, ma'am?
- Ten.
- How are they called?
- Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, Bernardo, and Bernardo.
- Everyone's name is Bernardo?
- And how do you call them when, for example, they are all playing outside?
- Very simple, I scream Bernardo and everyone enters.
- What if he wants them to go eat?
- Same. I scream Bernardo and everyone sits down to eat.
- But if you want to talk to one in particular, how do you do it?
- Ah! In that case, I call him by his last name....
Saludos
fubar57
General
These are actual phrases from Officer Efficiency Reports (performance appraisal for the military officers).
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
"A room temperature IQ."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
"Bright as Alaska in December."
"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Fell out of the family tree."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes."
"Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby."
"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer."
"Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching."
"A room temperature IQ."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus—144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
"Bright as Alaska in December."
"One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Fell out of the family tree."
"Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"He's so dense, light bends around him."
"If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate."
"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes."
"Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby."
"Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
