Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

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At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Señor Conteras? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your home in Ponte Verde.

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Um, I am just calling to advise you, Señor Contreras, that your parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Señor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Señor Contreras ."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Señor. He ate the meat of the dead horse."

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Señor Contreras .."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?
"
"Yes, Señor, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Señor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Señor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Señor Contreras .."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Señor."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Señor, Senora Gloria . She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G410 titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."

SILENCE………..

LONG SILENCE………

VERY LONG SILENCE…………

"Ernesto, if you broke that driver, you're in deep shit."
 
A man calls in to the Doctor's surgery one night.
"Doctor," he says, "please help me, I think I'm a moth."
"What do you mean, you think you're a moth ?" replied the Doctor.
"I'm convinced I'm a moth !" the man answered.
"I think you need to see a pyschiatrist !" the Doctor replied, firmly.
"I was on my way there, but I saw your light on." the man said .................


I'll get me coat .................................
 

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