Quotes and Jokes

[Crimea_River]

So true!

 

[rochie]

last two were so good i stole them and put them on my FB page

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Wurger]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Wayne Little]

 

[javlin]

Late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in North Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild?



Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea.



He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"

"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," he responded.

So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again, "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?"

"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."

The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"

"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen."

"How can you be so sure?" the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting a sh*tload of firewood

 

[Lucky13]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Zipper730]

Two old ladies, Maude and Mabel, are outside their nursing home having a drink and smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette and continues smoking.
Maude: What in the hell is that?
Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Maude: Where did you get it?
Mabel: You can get them at any chemists.
The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local chemist and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
The pharmacist fainted.

You'd figure the condom would light off the moment it touched the cigarette. I know a girl (we were both in HS at the time) who told me that, on a dare, she lit a condom on fire and it went up like gasoline.

 

[v2]

Still valid ...