Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

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Many years ago one Saturday a friend of mine was working on recovering his Waco biplane in a building he owned. Of course, that involved spraying a lot of "dope," the highly volatile chemical used to tighten and protect the fabric; it was rather like spraying model airplane glue. It got late and he decided to head for home.

Driving down the highway, he was astonished with the excessive speed of the other cars, thinking, "What is going on tonight? Are these people all crazy?" Then he looked at his speedometer. He was going 15 mph.
 
A Voyage to Italy
A young woman from New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean, but just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.

"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the Captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the Captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy ."

"I see," the Captain said. "Anything else?"

Her conscience got the best of her and she added, with some embarrassment, "Plus, he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the Captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry!"
 
Ever hear the term "Posh" as in describing a hotel, restaurant, or club?

Back before WWII there were ships heading from England to Egypt and back. It was preferable to be on the Port side on the way there, since when going through the Med that would be the cool, ocean side. On the way back to England the reverse applied, the Starboard side was the cool side of the ship. So passengers who wanted to be more comfortable specified Port Outbound Starboard Home with their reservations, abbreviated to POSH. The term later came to apply to other situations and services.
 
A friend of mine was an engineer with the Apollo program but he loved old airplanes. One day he was finally able to buy a 1929 Waco, a former crop duster. He ended up buying, selling, and rebuilding a number of Wacos. One of them was basically a basket case and he decided he would never get around to rebuilding it. So he listed it in Trade-A-Plane for a healthy price.

An older gentleman from Oklahoma called him about the Waco, asking questions and generally talking about Wacos and other older airplanes. The man would call him every week or so, and at the end of each conversation ask if my friend would accept a certain price. My friend would reply that he would consider that a good offer. The old gentlemen would say he would think about it and get back to him later; each time he lowered his offer a little more. My friend enjoyed the conversations and actually felt a bit sorry for the old fellow, figuring he would putter away his remaining years and never actually finish rebuilding the airplane.

Finally at the end of one call the old gentleman said they had a deal. He would send the money and have some guys come by with a truck to pick up the airplane. My friend was expecting an old ranch stakebed or maybe a U-Haul. But when the truck pulled up it was a large, beautiful. semitruck, an 18 wheeler. And suddenly all became clear.

The old gentleman's name was Mr Phillips. And on the side of the beautiful truck was emblazoned "PHILLIPS 66."

He had been talking to THAT Mr Phillips. Mr Phillips, the owner of Phillips 66 Oil Company of Barlettsville OK, the famous billionaire biplane enthusiast. And he had negotiated down the price of that basket case Waco.
 
Some friends, now deceased, used to hang together and stir up trouble. Three were WW2 flyers who had flown before the war as sport flyers. A fourth, named Slim, was older than them and had been a barnstormer in the 1920s flying Jennys. Slim was always trying to find Jenny parts within driving range of New Orleans. He had settled in New Orleans when the CAA was formed and his planes had to meet regs. Occasionally the four of them would track down rumors of Jenny parts, usually with no joy. One day when I was at Herb's, he told me Slim was on the outs with that crowd because of a trip to Lafayette Louisiana. It seem Slim called Herb, Doc, and Irwin about finding some Jenny parts. They went to one place where the man said, no he didn't have the parts but knew who did. Person number two sent them on to another town and that person sent them to another, and eventually the last stop was in Lafayette. The man at this house said he didn't have Jenny parts but knew who did. The man gave detailed directions to Slim's house in New Orleans complete with address. The ride home after dark was complete with ribbing as the man had told them they probably wouldn't do any good because the man who owned the Jenny parts was an old nut.
 
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