Quotes and Jokes (6 Viewers)

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For those who are interested in "Linguistics":


Marcus Zuerius van Boxhorn - Wikipedia
 
With the large number of engineers on the forum, you have most likely heard all the engineer jokes. I'll try this one and if no more are required, just say so.

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, Take what you want." The first nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."
 
So the arc reaches land after the flood and Noah visits each of the animals. "Go forth and multiply" he enjoins each of them until eventually he finds two snakes. "Go forth and multiply" he repeats, but the snakes respond, "But Noah, we cannot for we are but adders."

Unable to respond, Noah and his family depart the arc. They cut down trees and build a log cabin. They are building furniture from the logs when Noah becomes inspired.

He returns to the arc, approaches the snakes and orders, "Go forth and multiply." The snakes again respond, "But Noah, we cannot for we are but adders." Smiling, Noah produces a piece of his new furniture and explains, "Yes, but with this log table even adders can be multipliers."

(Did someone mention engineer jokes?)

Cheers,



Dana
 
Okay, one more:
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's wrong with these guys? We must have stood here fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't think I have ever seen such inept golf!" The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George! What's the matter with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper said, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we let them play free anytime." The group fell silent for a moment. Then the priest said, "That's very sad. I will say a special prayer for them." The doctor said, "I'll contact my ophthaimologist colleague and see if there is anything he can do for them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
 
Men at 26 play football.
Men at 40 play tennis.
Men at 60 play golf.
Have you noticed that as they get older their balls get smaller?


I have recently taken up photography, because it is the only hobby where you can shoot people and cut their heads off - without going to jail.


I just realized that even Duct tape can't fix stupid . . . though it can muffle the sound.


Just before I die, I am going to swallow a bag full of popcorn kernels. The cremation ceremony is going to be epic!
 
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