Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

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why do you guys watch further then that 2nd pic hehe
to get back on topic.

Kids.

A little boy had problems with putting on his boots, a teacher (kindergarden) noticed it and kneeled infront of the boy and starts helping him.

With pulling and pushing they achieved to put on the first boot and shortly after the 2nd came on.

Then the boy said:" the boots are on the wrong feet", the teacher swallows her oncomming frustration back in and with full disbelief she looks at the feet of the boy.

But he was right, left and right where switched.

For the teacher it was as hard to pull the boots off his feet, to put them back on, this time on the right side.

Despite everything she manages to keep here head cool.

When all the work was done, the little boy said:" those arent my boots".

The teacher started to feel a bit of anger, and she had to bite her tongue to not call the little boy names and start yelling at him.

She only said:" Why didnt you tell that before"

totally undertaken by faith she starts pulling and pushing on the boots again till they came of his feet.

Then the boy starts explaining:" Those are the boots of my brother, but my mom told me to wear them today because it was so cold outside."

From that moment the teacher didnt know what to do, should she start crying quietly or yell at the little boy.
She pulls her courage back together and started to push and pull the stupid boots back on his feet.

Done.

Totally relieved she asks:" Okay, now where are your gloves?"

Where on the little boy answers:" Ive put them in the front of my boots"
 
A guy walks into a bar and notices two pieces of meat on the ceiling. He asks the bar man for a pint and the bar man asks, "You want to participate in our competition?"

The guy asks "What's it all about?"

The barman informs him, "All you have to do is get those pieces of meat off the ceiling and you get a free pint! But, if you fail, you have to buy the whole pub a drink."

The guy replies, "No I don't think so mate ... ... the steaks are too high!"
 
Quotes from Will Rogers.



Will Rogers, who died in a plane crash with Wylie Post in 1935, was probably the greatest political sage this country has ever known. Enjoy the following:



1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad

judgment.

10. If you're riding' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back in.

12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral:
When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.


ABOUT GROWING OLDER...



First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.



Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.



Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.



Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.



Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.



Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.



Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young.



Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.



Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.



Tenth ~ Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf .



And finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
 
What happens if you play a Country and Western song backwards ?....You get your house back, your wife back, your dog back, your job back....

(I love C&W !)
 
Gotta love Texas. I found this BBQ grill while out at a client site installing another security camera this morning. BTW....in Texas, this is why you NEVER question the cook:

(ps...sorry 'bout the quality...I was driving by, and only had my cellphone camera on me at the time)
 

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