Quotes and Jokes (5 Viewers)

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What happens if you play a Country and Western song backwards ?....You get your house back, your wife back, your dog back, your job back....

(I love C&W !)

Heh. On that "note"...ya know what happens when you rub a crystal glass backwards? Instead of ringing, an voice cries "Styrafoam is of the devil! Styrafoam is of the devil!"





**ducks**
 
How to Please a Women:

* Compliment her;
* respect her;
* honor her;
* cuddle her;
* caress her;
* love her;
* kiss her;
* stroke her;
* buy things for her;
* comfort her;
* protect her;
* hug her;
* hold her;
* spend money on her;
* wine and dine her;
* listen to her;
* care for her;
* stand by her;
* support her;
* hold her.


How to Please a Man:

* Show up naked;
* Bring beer;
* Skip the small talk;
* Get down to business.
 
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.


Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
 
Remember, infant sold separately!
 

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Hmmm...wonder if Tom Cruise would fit in there? Seem to recall him threatening to do just that, awhile back...
 
Jacob, age 85, and Rebecca, age 79, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding. On the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."




today'sTHOT============================

Life is the ultimate IQ test.
 
Nice ones there, loved the BBC in Iraq!
You might have heard this before, but here's a 'dramatisation' of the transcript of radio traffic from an actual incident, which happened a few years ago, off the coast of Newfoundland IIRC. The..er...names have presumably been changed to protect the innocent/guilty! BTW, you'll need the sound on.
 

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