Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules

Geedee said:
What happens if you play a Country and Western song backwards ?....You get your house back, your wife back, your dog back, your job back....

(I love C&W !)
Click to expand...

Heh. On that "note"...ya know what happens when you rub a crystal glass backwards? Instead of ringing, an voice cries "Styrafoam is of the devil! Styrafoam is of the devil!"





**ducks**
 
How to Please a Women:

* Compliment her;
* respect her;
* honor her;
* cuddle her;
* caress her;
* love her;
* kiss her;
* stroke her;
* buy things for her;
* comfort her;
* protect her;
* hug her;
* hold her;
* spend money on her;
* wine and dine her;
* listen to her;
* care for her;
* stand by her;
* support her;
* hold her.


How to Please a Man:

* Show up naked;
* Bring beer;
* Skip the small talk;
* Get down to business.
 
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.


Intrigued, she asked.
"How can you tell them apart?"

He responded,
"3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
 
Jacob, age 85, and Rebecca, age 79, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding. On the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests that they go in. He addresses the man behind the counter:

"Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob: "Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."

Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."

Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."

Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."

Jacob: "Medicine for memory?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety."

Jacob: "What about vitamins and sleeping pills?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

Jacob: "Perfect! We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts."




today'sTHOT============================

Life is the ultimate IQ test.
 
Nice ones there, loved the BBC in Iraq!
You might have heard this before, but here's a 'dramatisation' of the transcript of radio traffic from an actual incident, which happened a few years ago, off the coast of Newfoundland IIRC. The..er...names have presumably been changed to protect the innocent/guilty! BTW, you'll need the sound on.
 

Attachments

  • uss_montana.wmv
    2 MB · Views: 137
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 5 (members: 0, guests: 5)

Similar threads

Belgians and their statues…
Replies
9
Views
710
Thumpalumpacus
A
Cars named after (or same as) WW2 and 1950s aircraft?
7 8 9
Replies
166
Views
8K
GrauGeist
Im writing a book about Russian cold war aircraft specifically the SU-27 and Mig-29.
Replies
7
Views
489
Tomcat
Bangkok and Beyond! A quick trip to the Thai capital
2 3 4
Replies
78
Views
2K
Gnomey
Football, Mince Pie and Bovril....
Replies
6
Views
637
Lucky13
Menu
Log in
Register