Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)

[RabidAlien]

I went out with some friends last night and tied one on. I got really plastered. Knowing that I was wasted, I did something that I have never done before. I took the bus home.

I arrived safe and warm, which seemed really surprising as I have never driven a bus before.

 

[v2]

A guy is out with his buddies. He has a few drinks, gets in the mood, and true to his wife goes home.

When he gets home, he finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.

He gets two aspirin and drops them into her mouth.

Of course, she chokes but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"

He says, "Two aspirin".

She replies, "BUT I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE"!!!

He says, "That's what I wanted to hear."

 

[Gnomey]

 

[RabidAlien]

Dang. Gonna have to remember that one....

 

[Maestro]

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

 

[Wayne Little]

A bloke walks into a brothel and says: "I'm a bit kinky, how much for total humiliation?"
The madam replies $60.
"Wow, what do I get for that," he says.
She says: "A baggy green cap and an Australia cricket shirt".

Now that's low Domenik...Good!...but low...

 

[P40NUT]

 

[Wayne Little]

BEWARE Scam on Men

This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men who are apparently past the age of giving a running pursuit. What happens is that when the intended victim stops for a red light, a completely nude and good looking, nicely tanned, unbelievably well enhanced young woman comes up.

With body stretched to its full potential, she pretends to wash your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens the back door of your car, taking anything you have in the car.

They are very good at this.

They got me seven times Friday and five times Saturday---I couldn't find them on Sunday.

 

[RabidAlien]

**********************

A man was walking through a German forest when he saw this deep cave, so he decided to go exploring. He walked in a ways and saw a flickering light far ahead so he walked to it.

He was surprised to find an old man with a large stack of music scores in front of him. The old man was rubbing the notes off of the paper and laying the blank sheets aside.

The walker was astonished when he saw who he thought the man was. It seemed to be Mozart! He asked, "Are you Mozart?"

"Yes", the old man replied.

"Would that be Wolfgang Mozart?"

Again the reply was "Yes."

"Well, you've been dead for centuries. What are doing rubbing notes off of music?"

[Ready for this ... ???]



The old man looked up, "I'm decomposing!"

 

[Geedee]

Classic !

 

[Geedee]

Advert in a local paper...

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me...

Call 01272-6+++++ and ask for Annie, I'll be waiting.....















.

 

[mikewint]

RA, you remain King of the PUN

 

[mikewint]

Keep watching and hoping

 

[Gnomey]

 

[P40NUT]

 

[Wurger]

 

[RabidAlien]

Mike...that is sooooo frikkin wrong! How could you DO that to us!!!!

 

[Aaron Brooks Wolters]

 

[mikewint]

RA, easy, 'cause it's Pun