need to get this off my chest as i have been carrying it around for a couple of days !
bit of history first
some of you guys know i had a slightly troubled childhood, my parents spilt when i was 7, my brother and i went to live with my dad and his new girlfriend, mam was an alcoholic and it killed her 7 years later, i was 14, i had to search for where she was burried years later as we were never told.
my dads new girlfriend had her own child 2 years younger than me from her first marriage and after a long and bitter battle my dad won permanent custody of my brother and i.
life was not that good at our new home with my new parents.
we were placed in a home for abused kids soon after my dad and his girlfriend married so they could go on honeymoon with out us 3 kids, i distinctly remember the staff breaking up tablets and mixing it with our food each day i was almost 9.
dad lost interest in us kids and threw himself into army life as if we were not there, my new mother claimed social security saying my dad had left, he hadnt !
my maternal grandmother told the authorities and they had to pay back 1000's of pounds, this was 1980, we were dirt poor i wore my cousins clothes to school, she was a girl
and we lived on british army 10 man compo rations my dad stole from the stores where he was SQMS for about a year.
fast forward a few years i got part time jobs while still at school the money was confiscated for safe keeping, never saw it again.
they took half my wages when i found my first job, (a rugby accident stopped me following grandad and dad into the para's at 16) this was to pay for board and lodge.
i had 3 brothers i am the oldest by 2 years and each has a 2 year gap, two of them were career criminals, drug dealing burglary and car theft etc., parents were always bailing them out and ignored me and my original brother
left home after joining the army for a short while after my knees healed to prove to dad i was tough enough to be a para, i hated it on day one (my dad was RSM) and the recruit cadre corporal delighted in trying to get me to quit before passing out, i didnt
dad was furious when i quit and left me in Aldershot with no money to get home as he drove back home to the north east where we are from.
anyway years later the girl i was engaged to left me when i was made redundant from work kicked me out of our house with my dog, the VCR and a small tv
reluctantly i went home to my parents until i found another job, sleeping in my brothers room on an army camp bed my brother soon moved out and they dismantled his bed so i could not sleep on it.
my youngest brother (step mam and dads kid) faked a burglary in our house and stole my stuff to buy drugs.
my parents then faked another burglary to cover him, so i couldn't call the police for insurance purposes as i was soon moving out and needed my stuff for my new pad !
they then claimed around £6000 from the insurance bunged me £200 and told me that's all i was entitled too.
i had met the girl who became my wife around this time and she moved in with me after 6 weeks ( we are still married 25 years later) we slowly made a home and i never went back to my parents again.
i have seen them a few times but we do not speak, they were not invited to our wedding, they have not met my 21 year old daughter.
now here's the issue i have been dreading as we all got older.
the one remaining brother out of 3 i speak to has told me dad now has pancreatic cancer and is dying, i felt absolutely nothing !
my daughter is not bothered, my wife thinks we are awful.
my brother came to my house the following day with the message "dad says the past is in the past, if i want to go and see him ?"
no i fucking dont.
if he wants to make peace with me then he needs to man up and ask himself and i will gladly go and listen to what he has to say !
wife wants me to be the better man and go for some closure but i dont need closure, i like the very few relatives i speak to and dont intend going if he wont ask.
sorry for the rant but needed to get it out.
bit of history first
some of you guys know i had a slightly troubled childhood, my parents spilt when i was 7, my brother and i went to live with my dad and his new girlfriend, mam was an alcoholic and it killed her 7 years later, i was 14, i had to search for where she was burried years later as we were never told.
my dads new girlfriend had her own child 2 years younger than me from her first marriage and after a long and bitter battle my dad won permanent custody of my brother and i.
life was not that good at our new home with my new parents.
we were placed in a home for abused kids soon after my dad and his girlfriend married so they could go on honeymoon with out us 3 kids, i distinctly remember the staff breaking up tablets and mixing it with our food each day i was almost 9.
dad lost interest in us kids and threw himself into army life as if we were not there, my new mother claimed social security saying my dad had left, he hadnt !
my maternal grandmother told the authorities and they had to pay back 1000's of pounds, this was 1980, we were dirt poor i wore my cousins clothes to school, she was a girl
and we lived on british army 10 man compo rations my dad stole from the stores where he was SQMS for about a year.fast forward a few years i got part time jobs while still at school the money was confiscated for safe keeping, never saw it again.
they took half my wages when i found my first job, (a rugby accident stopped me following grandad and dad into the para's at 16) this was to pay for board and lodge.
i had 3 brothers i am the oldest by 2 years and each has a 2 year gap, two of them were career criminals, drug dealing burglary and car theft etc., parents were always bailing them out and ignored me and my original brother
left home after joining the army for a short while after my knees healed to prove to dad i was tough enough to be a para, i hated it on day one (my dad was RSM) and the recruit cadre corporal delighted in trying to get me to quit before passing out, i didnt
dad was furious when i quit and left me in Aldershot with no money to get home as he drove back home to the north east where we are from.
anyway years later the girl i was engaged to left me when i was made redundant from work kicked me out of our house with my dog, the VCR and a small tv
reluctantly i went home to my parents until i found another job, sleeping in my brothers room on an army camp bed my brother soon moved out and they dismantled his bed so i could not sleep on it.
my youngest brother (step mam and dads kid) faked a burglary in our house and stole my stuff to buy drugs.
my parents then faked another burglary to cover him, so i couldn't call the police for insurance purposes as i was soon moving out and needed my stuff for my new pad !
they then claimed around £6000 from the insurance bunged me £200 and told me that's all i was entitled too.
i had met the girl who became my wife around this time and she moved in with me after 6 weeks ( we are still married 25 years later) we slowly made a home and i never went back to my parents again.
i have seen them a few times but we do not speak, they were not invited to our wedding, they have not met my 21 year old daughter.
now here's the issue i have been dreading as we all got older.
the one remaining brother out of 3 i speak to has told me dad now has pancreatic cancer and is dying, i felt absolutely nothing !
my daughter is not bothered, my wife thinks we are awful.
my brother came to my house the following day with the message "dad says the past is in the past, if i want to go and see him ?"
no i fucking dont.
if he wants to make peace with me then he needs to man up and ask himself and i will gladly go and listen to what he has to say !
wife wants me to be the better man and go for some closure but i dont need closure, i like the very few relatives i speak to and dont intend going if he wont ask.
sorry for the rant but needed to get it out.
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