Tom Jerrymandering
Tom and Jerry fell victims to political correctness when TV watchdogs imposed a "ludicrous" ban on smoking in the cartoons.
The satellite channel Boomerang agreed to edit out scenes that glamourised or condoned smoking after media regulator Ofcom received a complaint from a parent.
In one episode, Tom tries to impress a female cat by making a roll-up cigarette and smoking it with just one hand. In the other, Tom's tennis opponent is seen smoking a large cigar.
Pro-smoking lobby group Forest claimed the move was a "joke", and said the violence featured in Tom and Jerry would be a better target.
Spokesman Neil Rafferty said: "We cannot believe this completely ludicrous decision. If you're going to analyse Tom and Jerry then I think Tom getting hit repeatedly in the face very hard with a frying pan is a much more dangerous example to set towards children. "
Mediawatch commentator John Beyer said that while he welcomed moves to encourage physical health among youngsters, he wanted Ofcom to focus its powers on more offensive issues.
He said: "There are films and programmes out there which deal with mental and adult issues that cause a very great deal of public offence. Ofcom seems unwilling to deal these more pressing issues. "
Poppycock
War veterans have been told that remembrance parades can not go ahead unless they adhere to endless health and safety rules.
Officials demanded that the old soldiers, many in their 80s, should provide £300 public liability insurance, carry out a risk assessment and organise stewards dressed in fluorescent jackets to police events.
One elderly soldier stormed: "When these people went to war they didn't have to fill out risk assessment forms. To say it is political correctness gone mad is an understatement. "
It is feared many associations up and down the country may now be forced to cancel their events because of the time and cost of complying with the regulations.
The march organisers have been told two lines of stewards in fluorescent jackets must accompany them and have an ambulance in attendance.
Mr. Lee-Hale said: "I could understand it if we were a bunch of yobs marching through the town, but what trouble do they think an 80-year-old ex-sailor is going to cause?"
It is not the first time war veterans have fallen foul of the politically correct brigade.
Last year poppy sellers were banned from pinning flowers on people's clothes in case they cause injury.
Wye Aye Pet!
Geordies were staggered to discover that they were no longer allowed to address people as 'pet' or 'love' for fear of their language causing offence.
Political correctness meant that such Geordie dialect, which was famed in the TV show 'Auf Wiedersehen, Pet', was banned by Newcastle City Council.
Thousands of Council workers were sent on "equality and diversity" courses to be told how to address each other with dignity and respect.
It is not the first local authority in Britain to tell its staff that words like "love", "darling" and "sweetheart" are inappropriate for women. But it may be the only one ruling out the use of some of the local expressions, for fear of causing offence.
Tory MP for the North-East Martin Callanan said the move was "political correctness gone mad".
He added, "They are traditional North-east terms of affection. I can't believe anyone would be offended by them. Surely the council has more important things to worry about than its staff using friendly terms. "
Retired teacher Peter Arnold, who is chairman of the Northumbrian Language Society, said he supported the council's desire to promote diversity. But he added: "I am horrified that these words are to be banned.
"People have been speaking Northumbrian in this part of the world for 1,400 years uninterrupted. "
Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep
One nursery school in Oxfordshire made children sing 'Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep' in the name of "equal opportunities".
But angry parents forced the nursery to perform a U-turn on the politically correct policy after it was exposed in the Daily Express.
One couple whose daughter attends the group felt the nursery's stance had been "utterly laughable".
The father said: "It's absolutely ridiculous. But after all the publicity and once we made our views known, I am pleased to say today they are again singing black sheep. "
We revealed how the Sure Start Centre in Sutton Courtenay, Oxfordshire, had changed the words of the nursery rhyme Baa Baa Black Sheep. Centre manager Stuart Chamberlain had said equal opportunities justified the extraordinary decision.
"Basically we have taken the equal opportunities approach to everything we do. This is fairly standard across nurseries. We are following stringent equal opportunities rules, " he said.
"No one should feel pointed out because of their race, gender or anything else. "
But Paul Phoenix, of campaigning group Black Parents in Education, said: "Tackle the big rocks and the little stones will fall into place but to approach all these tiny, little, politically correct things wastes time and is irrelevant. "
Over-baked political correctness
The ginger people
I AM all for inclusiveness and fairness but this latest example of political correctness just takes the biscuit!
The display of buns and biccies seen in a baker's window (the baker's will remain anonymous to protect their credibility) includes a 'ginger person' special offer.
It was always very difficult to tell the gender of what I used to call gingerbread men, but presumably these modern versions are asexual.
Does the baker in question really think women are offended by not being included in the bake of the day? Or perhaps it's the men who are put out by being portrayed as rounded objects with currants as eyes.
I'm no fan of tip-toeing round the niceties of the English language just to please some lily-livered faction. The question remains – why?
Of course, we have to assume that the 'ginger' in the description of the biscuits refers to the ingredient rather than the colour of the tasty treat or the baker could indeed be accused of being gingerist – discriminating against all those who aren't ginger, or perhaps singling out all those who are.
Closer inspection of the notice on the said ginger people also reveals a mathematical problem. The nibbles are 20p each or six for £1, saving, according to someone's calculation, 10p. I was never the sharpest pencil in the case at school but I can just about work that one out.
I also note that life has dealt the poor chap or chapess in the front of the tray of ginger people a cruel blow – a severe case of a running nose. With a face like that he or she is never going to attract another ginger person!
Or is that being ugly-ist?
Political correctness puts disk drives in a spin
Disk drives may the latest victim of political correctness. According to a memo apparently sent out by the County of Los Angeles, the standard designation used for connecting two disk drives to a single IDE port, which entails setting one drive as a "master" and the second as a "slave" drive, is an example of equipment labelling that may be "construed as offensive or defamatory in nature".
According to the memo, which was apparently written by Joe Sandoval, division manager for purchasing and contract services in the Internal Services Department at the County of Los Angeles, and posted on urban legends Web site snopes.com, use of the terms "master" and "slave" is not acceptable as an identification label.
"We would request that each manufacturer, supplier and contractor review, identify and remove/change any identification or labelling of equipment or components thereof that could be interpreted as discriminatory or offensive in nature before such equipment is sold or otherwise provided to any County department," said Sadoval in the memo.
The sentiments of the memo's author may be laudable: "The County of Los Angeles actively promotes and is committed to ensure a work environment that is free from any discriminatory influence, be it actual or perceived," he wrote. But removing the universally adopted terms from drives may cause more problems than it solves, say manufacturers, as users -- including those employed by LA County -- would find the settings confusing if the labels changed.
One major drive manufacturer's response was of incredulity: "I thought the British were prim and proper," said a spokeswoman for the company, who asked not to be identified, "but what's up with these Americans? It's not a Schwarzenegger change is it? You'd have to be barking mad to do this." The spokeswoman said it is highly unlikely that drive manufacturers would take the request seriously.
IT director Andres Tomlin was similarly unimpressed. "This is another ludicrous example of "political correctness," he said. "This is political point-scoring and nothing to do with the reality of everyday life."