Dog Joke time.
Down here (New Zealand) we have an interesting past time called Pig Hunting. You take some mates, some narly dogs, and a few knives into the bush. After some hours the dogs scent, chase and bail up a wild pig. Your job is to avoid the dogs, tusks, hooves, and get the pig on its back and slit its throat.
Then you can carry the pig out of the bush, between 200 to 350 pounds worth.
See, we know how to have fun.
But damn the meat tastes GOOD.
The joke.....
Small country pub after a days hunting, a stranger walks in and says "I have the meanest pig dog around."
In short order the bets are made, a ring of cars are out back, and the first dog is in. The stranger throws in his 16 stone Rottwieler cross and very soon is sitting back at the bar drinking his winnings.
Later, a weedy little Gay from Auckland walks into the bar, stunned silence ensues.
In a squeeky voice he asks "Who owns the big doggy out there?"
"I do, so what fag." states the big bruiser.
"My dog just killed it"
"What sort of dog you got, that can kill my 16 stone pig dog boy?"
"Chihuahua"
"How the h@ll did your chihuahua kill my 16 stone pig dog"
"Got stuck in his throat."
And talking of hunting....
Hunting for elephants.
Mathematicians hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left. Experienced mathematicians will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate excercise. Professors of mathematics will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an excercise for their graduate students.
Physicists hunt elephants by treating the elephant as a unstable W-Z particle and spend a fortune developing a Particle Accelerator large enough to detect one when a hippo and Rhino collide.
Computer Scientists hunt elephants by excercising Algorithm A:
Go to Africa.
Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
During each traverse pass,
Catch each animal seen.
Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
Stop when a match is detected.
Experienced computer programmers modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate. Assembly language programmers prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.
Engineers hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching grey animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
Economists don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
Statisticians hunt the 1st animal they see N times call it an elephant.
Consultants don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do. Operations research consultants can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
Politicians don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
Lawyers don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings. Software lawyers will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
Vice Presidents of engineering, research, and development try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely prehunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does see a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president's keen eyesight and (2) enlarge itself to prevent any recurrence.
Senior managers set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
Quality assurance inspectors ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens. Software salespeople ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant. Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them grey, and sell them as desktop elephants.