Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!

[Matt308]

Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden, and an American engineer
are walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a Genie pops
out of it.

"I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes total" says the
Genie.

The Canadian says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also
farm. I want all the farm land to be forever fertile Canada."

Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever
made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall around
Afghanistan, Iraq and Iran with all believers of Mohammad inside and all
Jews, Americans, and other infidels forever outside our precious state.

Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall
around those countries.

The America n engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about
this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's 5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and
completely surrounds these countries.........it's virtually impenetrable.
Now what is your wish?"

The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

Pooooof!

WORLD PEACE!!

 

[Wurger]

 

[Ajax]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E3w7vAmszm4

 

[Gnomey]

 

[k9kiwi]

A group of military Officers are standing around talking when a
Lieutenant said, "I feel that making love is 80% fun and 20% work."
Captain responded by saying, "No, I think that making love is more work
than that. I would say that it is 60% fun and 40% work."
Then a Major says, "No, making love is definitely way more work than
that. I would say that it is 20% fun and 80% work."
They are all contemplating these revelations when a private walks by.
The officers call the Private over to ask his opinion.
The Major says, "Excuse me, Private, we are having a discussion and
would like your input. The Lieutenant says that making love is 80% fun
and 20% work. The Captain says that making love is 60% fun and 40% work.
I say that making love is 20% fun and 80% work. Private, what is your
opinion?"
The Private smiles and says, "Sir, you are all wrong. Making love must
be 100% fun because if there was any work involved, you would have the
enlisted men doing it for you."

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

 

[k9kiwi]

new happy meal.

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Matt308]

Alright, I'm gonna do a Lanc and cry foul on the KFC post. That one has been put up two or three times already.

 

[k9kiwi]

Foul?

I thought Lanc was into sheep not birds.

 

[v2]

One night a man and his wife were in bed. The wife curled up ready for sleep and the husband put his bedlamp on to read a book. As he was reading, he stopped, reached over to his wife and started fondling her between the legs. He did this only for a very short while, then stopped and went back to reading his book.

The wife then got up and started stripping off in front of him. The husband was confused and asked, "Why are you taking all your clothes off?"

The wife replied, "You were playing with me down there. I thought it was foreplay for something a bit heavier."

The husband said, "No, not at all."

The wife then asked, "Well, what were you doing then?"

"Oh," he said, "I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages of my book!"

 

[Matt308]

Are you sure Les didn't write that one?

 

[Gnomey]

We'll find out if he sees it...

 

[Matt308]

A man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a

Little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said.

"Without using numbers, represent the number 9."

"Without numbers?" The Italian says, "Data easy." and he proceeds to draw

Three trees.



"What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain?

Tree and tree and tree make a nine," says the Italian.



"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the

Same rules, but this time the number is 99."



The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture

That he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."



The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to

Represent 99?"

"Each of DA trees is a dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree,

And dirty tree. Dat is 99."



The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire

This Italian, so he says, "All right, last question.

Same rules again, but represent the number 100."



The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture

Again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere

You go. One hundred."



The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that

Represents a hundred!" (You're going to love this one!!!)



The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each

Tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So

Now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty

Tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, when I'm a gonna start?

 

[Ajax]

But it'd work much better with an Irishman...

 

[Matt308]

Or a Norwegian! Like my wife! Ha!

 

[Gnomey]

 

[Ajax]

1. "Oh, this is a dilemma. I know, let's get the UN involved!"

2. (Back to Bin Laden)

 

[v2]

...