Quokes/Jotes... Continued! 2!

[Matt308]

Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball
into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups.
Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.


All of a sudden.....POOF ! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared. She said, "I'm Mother Nature!


Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups? Just for doing
what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.......As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!!

Then POOF!......she was gone !


After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where are you?"
Fred yells back "I'm over here in the pussywillows."


Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred; for the love of God, DON'T
SWING!!!

 

[Gnomey]

LOL

 

[Ajax]

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9qhrc_h4JI

______________________________________________

 

[v2]

...

 

[Matt308]

Loser.

Native American Observation - - -

Recently an old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a Ceremonial pipe and eyeing two U. S. Government officials sent by the President to interview him. "Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done." The Chief nodded in agreement. The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The Chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex." Then the chief leaned back and smiled. "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

 

[twoeagles]

: "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

Oh! For the good old days!
(I, for one, would miss toilet paper...)

 

[Matt308]

Stinging nettles work just fine.

One of the greatest myths was that American Indians were at peace and harmony with nature. And that only the whiteman ruined their "enlightened" culture. Poppycock.

 

[twoeagles]

Stinging nettles work just fine.

One of the greatest myths was that American Indians were at peace and harmony with nature. And that only the whiteman ruined their "enlightened" culture. Poppycock.

My Grandmother was Nez Perce and she would whole heartedly agree with you.
She always said people need 3 things: food, shelter from the elements,
and security to raise children. Problems arose when any of those three
things were threatened. She was born in 1892 and had some recollection
of old stories...She said the biggest difference, so far as she could see, between Europeans and "Indians" was the white man's insatiable desire to own things. Her motto pretty much went "the only good reason to have something is to be able to share it". Had I discounted her wisdom, I would doubtless have far more $$$ and be retired now.

 

[Ajax]

One infamous phrase here is:

"Look after the pennies and the pounds will look after themselves"

Saying you should save small money, and in the end you will have big money!





Bu*lsh*t. Look after the big money and the small money can go f**k itself...

 

[v2]

...

 

[Wurger]

 

[Matt308]

 

[Njaco]

reminds me of why the blonde nurse carried a red pen......

in case she needed to draw blood.

 

[Ajax]

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead walk into a bar (yes, it's one of those) and the barman tells them that he has a mirror that, if you tell the truth to it, you will get whatever you desire.

"But be warned!" He says, "Lie and you will disappear forever!"

So he shows them the mirror and the brunette says, "I think I am the most beautiful here" and gets a million bucks.

The redhead approaches and says; "I think i'm the cleverest here." And gets a ferrari.

The blonde goes to the mirror and says "I think..." And disappears forever!

 

[Matt308]

How do you drown a blonde?

Throw her makeup kit to the bottom of the pool.

 

[Matt308]

1. go to Google
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. scroll down to step #23

 

[v2]

...

 

[Wurger]

 

[DerAdlerIstGelandet]

1. go to Google
2. click on "maps"
3. click on "get directions"
4. type "New York" in the first box (the "from" box)
5. type "London" in the second box (the "to" box)
6. scroll down to step #23

 

[Ajax]

BBC News- THIS DOES NOT BODE WELL FOR ALL US MEN...

Not really a joke, but I had to post it somwhere...