Quotes and Jokes 1 (13 Viewers)
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vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
A blonde was shopping at Target
Came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....
It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
Bought the thermos took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot cold things
cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied......
'Two popsicles some coffee.'
Came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up took
It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos.....
It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she
Bought the thermos took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk.
'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot cold things
cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied......
'Two popsicles some coffee.'
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Nice!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A4K
Brigadier General
Good ones Kevin!
An old one:
A man walks down a street and sees a poor boy dressed in rags, fishing for coins in a sewer drain. His heart fills with pity, and as he tosses him a coin, he asks 'how many have you caught, son?'
- 'you're the fifth' says the kid...
An old one:
A man walks down a street and sees a poor boy dressed in rags, fishing for coins in a sewer drain. His heart fills with pity, and as he tosses him a coin, he asks 'how many have you caught, son?'
- 'you're the fifth' says the kid...
A cowboy walks Into a barber's shop, sits in the barber's chair and says: 'I'll have a shave and a shoe shine.' The barber begins to lather the cowboy's face and sharpen the old straight edge, while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts he's ever seen kneels down and begins to shine his shoes. The cowboy says: 'Young lady, you and I should spend some time in a hotel room.' She replies: 'I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.'
The cowboy says: 'Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference.' She answers: 'You tell him. He's the one shaving you.'
The cowboy says: 'Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference.' She answers: 'You tell him. He's the one shaving you.'
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Thats good one Wayne How about this have not seen it before
A group of country friends from the BaptistChurch wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play
games.
The lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it
came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts - Janet wanted to outdo
all the others.
Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But,
mushrooms are expensive.
She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too
high."
He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick
some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."
She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison.."
He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're
OK.
So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch,
washed,
sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot
(the yard dog)
a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite.
All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild
mushrooms
didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was
a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady
from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy
little cap on her head.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized,
and played 42 Mexican dominoes.
About then, the helper lady from town, came in and
whispered in Janet's ear. She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot just
died." Janet
went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she
called the town doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take
care of it.
I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as
quick as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump
out everyone's
stomach Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."
Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was
coming down the
road. The EMTs the doctor had their suitcases,
syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom,
gave them an
enema and pumped out their stomach. After the last one
was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will
be fine now,
and he left."
They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the
living room and about this time, the helper lady came in and said,
"You know that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never even
stopped.
How about this have not seen it before A group of country friends from the BaptistChurch wanted to get together on a regular basis, socialize, and play
games.
The lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it
came time for Al and Janet to be the hosts - Janet wanted to outdo
all the others.
Janet decided to have mushroom-smothered steak. But,
mushrooms are expensive.
She then told her husband, "No mushrooms. They are too
high."
He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick
some of those mushrooms? There are plenty in the creek bed."
She said, "No, some wild mushrooms are poison.."
He said, "Well, I see varmints eating them and they're
OK.
So Janet decided to give it a try. She picked a bunch,
washed,
sliced, and diced them for her smothered steak.
Then she went out on the back porch and gave Ol' Spot
(the yard dog)
a double handful. Ol' Spot ate every bite.
All morning long, Janet watched Ol' Spot and the wild
mushrooms
didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was
a great success, and Janet even hired a helper lady
from town to help her serve. She had on a white apron and a fancy
little cap on her head.
After everyone had finished, they relaxed, socialized,
and played 42 Mexican dominoes.
About then, the helper lady from town, came in and
whispered in Janet's ear. She said, "Mrs. Williams, Ol' Spot just
died." Janet
went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she
called the town doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "That's bad, but I think we can take
care of it.
I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as
quick as possible. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump
out everyone's
stomach Everything will be fine. Just keep them calm."
Soon they could hear the siren as the ambulance was
coming down the
road. The EMTs the doctor had their suitcases,
syringes, and a stomach pump.
One by one, they took each person into the bathroom,
gave them an
enema and pumped out their stomach. After the last one
was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will
be fine now,
and he left."
They were all looking pretty weak sitting around the
living room and about this time, the helper lady came in and said,
"You know that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never even
stopped.
Last edited:
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
On a more serious note.
Remember the Guy that Wouldn't take the Flag down
I love this....and this man certainly doesn't look 90 years old! Great soldier's
story...
Head east from Carthage on Mississippi 16 toward Philadelphia . After a few miles a
sign says you're in Edinburg . It's a good thing the sign's there, because
there's no other way to
tell.
On June 15, 1919 , Van T. Barfoot was born in Edinburg -- probably didn't make much
news back then.
Twenty-five years later, on May 23, 1944 , near Carano , Italy , Van T. Barfoot, who
had enlisted in the Army in 1940, set out to flank German machine gun positions from
which fire was coming down on his fellow soldiers. He advanced through a minefield,
took out three enemy machine gun positions and returned
with 17 prisoners of war.
If that wasn't enough for a day's work, he
later took on and destroyed three German tanks sent to retake the machine gun
positions.
That probably didn't make much news either, given the scope of the war, but it did
earn Van T. Barfoot, who retired as a colonel after also serving in Korea and
Vietnam , a Congressional Medal of Honor.
What did make news last week was a neighborhood association's quibble with how the
90-year-old veteran chose to fly the American flag outside his
suburban
Virginia home. Seems the rules said a flag could be flown on a house-mounted
bracket, but, for decorum, items such as Barfoot's 21-foot flagpole were
unsuitable.
He had been denied a permit for the pole, erected it anyway and was facing court
action if he didn't take it down. Since the story made national TV, the
neighborhood association has rethought its position and agreed to indulge this old
hero who dwells among them.
"In the time I have left I plan to continue to fly the American flag without
interference," Barfoot told The Associated Press.
As well he should.
And if any of his neighbors still takes a notion to contest him, they might want to
read his Medal of Honor citation. It indicates he's not real good at backing
down.
Van T. Barfoot's Medal of Honor citation:
This 1944 Medal of Honor citation, listed with the National Medal of Honor Society,
is for Second Lieutenant Van T. Barfoot, 157th Infantry, 45th Infantry:
"For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of life above and beyond the
call of duty on 23 May 1944 , near Carano , Italy . With his platoon
heavily
engaged during an assault against forces well entrenched on commanding ground, 2d
Lt. Barfoot moved off alone upon the enemy left flank. He crawled
to the proximity of 1 machinegun nest and made a direct hit on it with a hand
grenade, killing 2 and wounding 3 Germans. He continued along the German
defense line to another machinegun emplacement, and with his tommygun killed 2 and
captured 3 soldiers. Members of another enemy machinegun crew then abandoned their
position and gave themselves up to Sgt. Barfoot. Leaving the prisoners for his
support squad to pick up, he proceeded to mop up positions in the immediate area,
capturing more prisoners and bringing his total count
to
17. Later that day, after he had reorganized his men and consolidated the newly
captured ground, the enemy launched a fierce armored counterattack directly at his
platoon positions. Securing a bazooka, Sgt. Barfoot took up an exposed position
directly in front of 3 advancing Mark VI tanks. From a distance of 75 yards his
first shot destroyed the track of the leading tank, effectively disabling it,
while the other 2 changed direction toward the flank. As the crew of the disabled
tank dismounted, Sgt. Barfoot killed 3 of them with his tommygun. He continued
onward into enemy terrain and destroyed a recently abandoned German fieldpiece with
a demolition charge placed in the breech. While returning to his platoon position,
Sgt. Barfoot, though greatly fatigued by his
Herculean efforts, assisted 2 of his seriously wounded men 1,700 yards to a
position of safety.
Sgt. Barfoot's extraordinary heroism, demonstration of magnificent valor, and
aggressive determination in the face of point blank fire are a perpetual inspiration
to his fellow soldiers."
WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE,
ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE! IN GOD WE TRUST!
Remember the Guy that Wouldn't take the Flag down
I love this....and this man certainly doesn't look 90 years old! Great soldier's
story...
Head east from Carthage on Mississippi 16 toward Philadelphia . After a few miles a
sign says you're in Edinburg . It's a good thing the sign's there, because
there's no other way to
tell.
On June 15, 1919 , Van T. Barfoot was born in Edinburg -- probably didn't make much
news back then.
Twenty-five years later, on May 23, 1944 , near Carano , Italy , Van T. Barfoot, who
had enlisted in the Army in 1940, set out to flank German machine gun positions from
which fire was coming down on his fellow soldiers. He advanced through a minefield,
took out three enemy machine gun positions and returned
with 17 prisoners of war.
If that wasn't enough for a day's work, he
later took on and destroyed three German tanks sent to retake the machine gun
positions.
That probably didn't make much news either, given the scope of the war, but it did
earn Van T. Barfoot, who retired as a colonel after also serving in Korea and
Vietnam , a Congressional Medal of Honor.
What did make news last week was a neighborhood association's quibble with how the
90-year-old veteran chose to fly the American flag outside his
suburban
Virginia home. Seems the rules said a flag could be flown on a house-mounted
bracket, but, for decorum, items such as Barfoot's 21-foot flagpole were
unsuitable.
He had been denied a permit for the pole, erected it anyway and was facing court
action if he didn't take it down. Since the story made national TV, the
neighborhood association has rethought its position and agreed to indulge this old
hero who dwells among them.
"In the time I have left I plan to continue to fly the American flag without
interference," Barfoot told The Associated Press.
As well he should.
And if any of his neighbors still takes a notion to contest him, they might want to
read his Medal of Honor citation. It indicates he's not real good at backing
down.
Van T. Barfoot's Medal of Honor citation:
This 1944 Medal of Honor citation, listed with the National Medal of Honor Society,
is for Second Lieutenant Van T. Barfoot, 157th Infantry, 45th Infantry:
"For conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of life above and beyond the
call of duty on 23 May 1944 , near Carano , Italy . With his platoon
heavily
engaged during an assault against forces well entrenched on commanding ground, 2d
Lt. Barfoot moved off alone upon the enemy left flank. He crawled
to the proximity of 1 machinegun nest and made a direct hit on it with a hand
grenade, killing 2 and wounding 3 Germans. He continued along the German
defense line to another machinegun emplacement, and with his tommygun killed 2 and
captured 3 soldiers. Members of another enemy machinegun crew then abandoned their
position and gave themselves up to Sgt. Barfoot. Leaving the prisoners for his
support squad to pick up, he proceeded to mop up positions in the immediate area,
capturing more prisoners and bringing his total count
to
17. Later that day, after he had reorganized his men and consolidated the newly
captured ground, the enemy launched a fierce armored counterattack directly at his
platoon positions. Securing a bazooka, Sgt. Barfoot took up an exposed position
directly in front of 3 advancing Mark VI tanks. From a distance of 75 yards his
first shot destroyed the track of the leading tank, effectively disabling it,
while the other 2 changed direction toward the flank. As the crew of the disabled
tank dismounted, Sgt. Barfoot killed 3 of them with his tommygun. He continued
onward into enemy terrain and destroyed a recently abandoned German fieldpiece with
a demolition charge placed in the breech. While returning to his platoon position,
Sgt. Barfoot, though greatly fatigued by his
Herculean efforts, assisted 2 of his seriously wounded men 1,700 yards to a
position of safety.
Sgt. Barfoot's extraordinary heroism, demonstration of magnificent valor, and
aggressive determination in the face of point blank fire are a perpetual inspiration
to his fellow soldiers."
WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE,
ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE! IN GOD WE TRUST!
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Great stuff Aaron ! If anyone insists he removes the flag (and pole) I hope he tells them to p*** off !
Good one Aaron 
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
"Decorum" should mean that EVERY citizen have a 21' flag pole in their front yard. Offended by the flag of your (hopefully its yours) nation? Move.
to Mr. Barfoot, for contributions in both wars (foreign and domestic)!
to Mr. Barfoot, for contributions in both wars (foreign and domestic)!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
"Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 50 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know.
He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.
He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room!"
He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.
Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.
He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away.
In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"
From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.
"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room!"
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Guys, my last post was a follow up to a thread I couldn't find. I was posted sometime last fall if I'm not mistaken. Not being able to find it I posted it here. I am very surprised that the court was in Mr. Barfoot's favor, but also EXTREMELY satisfied. It's about time.
RA!- Status
