Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
Someone: say your nationality without mentioning it!
Me:
View: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpajFdiDUs-/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=
Don't forget sunflower seeds and chips.
Me:
View: https://www.instagram.com/reel/CpajFdiDUs-/?igshid=MDJmNzVkMjY=
Don't forget sunflower seeds and chips.
Greg Boeser
2nd Lieutenant
Took my dog, Bingo, to the vet today because he had a ping pong ball sized growth on his throat.
But it was B-9.
But it was B-9.
GrauGeist
Generalfeldmarschall zur Luftschiff Abteilung
Appropiate for the recent snow tire discussion 
Snautzer01
Honourably banned
- 43,395
- Mar 26, 2007
Yes.. mine. i asked mine for a bagel and coffee and still i had to get it myself.
Dumb ass phone thinking it so smart etc. But i got revenge: i shouted your father was a nokia 3310. That shut it up real quick.
Greg Boeser
2nd Lieutenant
Just because it's lazy doesn't mean it's dumb.
Lucky13
Forum Mascot
I resent that remark! 
Ralph Haus
Tech Sergeant
GrauGeist
Generalfeldmarschall zur Luftschiff Abteilung
My Mom (who was an admistrative assistant for years) could speed-dial a rotary phone like no other.
I tried many times and simply could not do it.
cammerjeff
Staff Sergeant
2 of my Older sisters where Operators for Big Bell back in the early 1970's. They would just put a pencil into the 0 slot and dial the phone like nothing I had ever seen before or sense. Another lost Skillset!
The airplane is climbing to altitude, the pilot comes onto the PA system to make his announcement. "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard Yugoslav Airlines flight 123 to Moscow. We are flying aboard a Boeing 727 today, and our cruising speed will be 850 km/h. The outside temperature is JAOOOOOOOOOOO U PICHKU MATERINU!!!"
Total silence envelops the passenger compartment.
A few moments later, the pilot gets back on the PA. "Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise profusely for the outburst, and I can assure you there is absolutely no problem with the aircraft. While I was speaking, the stewardess spilt hot coffee into my lap. If you don't believe me, you can come up to the cockpit and look at the front of my trousers."
A smartalec yells from the back, "oh yeah? How about YOU come back here and look at the back of MY pants!"
Total silence envelops the passenger compartment.
A few moments later, the pilot gets back on the PA. "Ladies and gentlemen, I apologise profusely for the outburst, and I can assure you there is absolutely no problem with the aircraft. While I was speaking, the stewardess spilt hot coffee into my lap. If you don't believe me, you can come up to the cockpit and look at the front of my trousers."
A smartalec yells from the back, "oh yeah? How about YOU come back here and look at the back of MY pants!"
ARTESH
Chief Master Sergeant
IIRC, there should be a key, somewhere!
An oldie:
The Air Force found they had too many officers and SNCOs and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer/SNCO who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The member got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer (a Squadron Leader) who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer (a Wing Commander) who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grizzly old Warrant Officer who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old WOFF insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the WOFF's weenie and began to work back.
"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old WOFF replied with a wicked grin, "Vietnam!"
The Air Force found they had too many officers and SNCOs and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer/SNCO who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The member got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer (a Squadron Leader) who accepted, asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer (a Wing Commander) who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.
The third one was a grizzly old Warrant Officer who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "from the tip of my weenie to my testicles."
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But the old WOFF insisted and they decided to go along with him, providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.
The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the WOFF's weenie and began to work back.
"My God!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"
The old WOFF replied with a wicked grin, "Vietnam!"
