Quotes and Jokes (3 Viewers)

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been in the appalachians, some areas are very beautiful and then the coal minings areas are horrible. even here in the flatlands be have our enclaves where the folk go to a family outing to get a date
 
and you don't even have to make stuff up
 

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HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Wine her
Dine her
Call her
Support her
Hold her
Surprise her
Compliment her
Smile at her
Listen to her
Laugh with her
Cry with her
Romance her
Encourage her
Believe in her
Pray with her
Pray for her
Cuddle with her
Shop with her
Give her jewelry
Buy her flowers
Hold her hand
Write love letters to her
Go to the end of the earth for her

HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked
Bring food
Don't block the TV
 
Date Rape Drug Warning

Police today warned all men who frequent clubs and parties to stay cautious when offered drinks by women. Females are using a date rape drug called "beer" to target unsuspecting men. This drug comes in liquid form and is available nearly everywhere. "Beer" is used by female predators to persuade hapless male victims to go home with them.

Women need only persuade a man to consume a few of these "beers" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex, a simple approach that renders most men helpless. After several "beers," men will have sex with even unattractive women. Often men awaken with only hazy memories of the night before, a horrible headache, and a vague feeling that something bad happened.

Some really unfortunate men are even separated from their life's savings in a scam called "a relationship." In extreme cases, females have entrapped unsuspecting males into long-term servitude through a punishment called "marriage." Apparently, men are much more sus! ceptible to this scam once "beer" is administered. Forward this warning to every male you know. And if you, or some man you know, have fallen victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women who administer it, rest assured: male support groups exist in every major city where you can discuss the ugly details of your encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, look in the Yellow Pages under "Golf Courses."
 
Great stuff !
Said...er... a friend of mine "Never yet gone to bed with an ugly woman. I've woken up next to a couple, but ....."
 
Hah! Poor suckers got conned into tha......wait....<<glances at 4th finger on left hand>> DAMMIT!!!!!




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In a train carriage there was an Englishman, a Frenchman, a gorgeous blonde woman and a fat old lady.

After a while the train passes through a dark tunnel when the unmistakeable sound of a slap is heard. When they leave the tunnel, the Frenchman has a big red slap mark on his cheek.

The blonde thought "That French scoundrel wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat old lady, who in turn must have slapped his face".

The fat old lady thought "That dirty old Frenchman laid his hands on that poor blonde girl and she slapped him".

The Frenchman thought "Zees f*cking Englishman put ees hand on zat blonde and by un mistake she slapped me".

The Englishman thought "Please, another tunnel so I can smack that French twat again"
 
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