mikewint
Captain
it needs it, it weighs almost 5 tons
Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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Top Ten Inventions By Blondes
- The water proof towel
- Solar powered flash light
- Submarine screen door
- A book on how to read
- Inflatable dart board
- A dictionary index
- Pedal powered wheel chair
- Water proof tea bags
- The water proof towel
- Solar powered flash light
- Submarine screen door
- A book on how to read
- Inflatable dart board
- A dictionary index
- Pedal powered wheel chair
- Water proof tea bags
mikewint
Captain
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Great. I'm no longer hungry. I mean, seriously, who mixes dark socks with bright-colored clothes?
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Mike,..............I'm scarred for life man! I thought sagging boobs were bad but........DAMN!!!!!!!!!
mikewint
Captain
Aaron, just think RA only saw the socks
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
He was the lucky one.
mikewint
Captain
never thought of it in those terms but i guess you're correct, now where's that viking man, i need to scar him too
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
RA's braincell has, for some reason, plastered a very large **CENSORED** logo across the vast bulk of that image, for some incredibly large purpose, no doubt. I shall be roundly grateful, considering some of the enormous replies from others of the forum.
Strewth Mike...I was going to bed...need to stay up a while longer now...
That is just too horrible for words to describe...
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
That even beats the sight of a Hippocroccofrog - and that takes some doing !!
Some time off...
I decided that I needed a few days off and I realized that I ran out of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a little crazy. I figured he'd think I was burning out and give me some time off.
I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my coworkers (she's blonde..it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I'm doing.
"Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light bulb." A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My coworker started following me and the Boss asked where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said.
I decided that I needed a few days off and I realized that I ran out of vacation time already. I figured the best way to get the Boss to send me home was to act a little crazy. I figured he'd think I was burning out and give me some time off.
I came in to work early the other day and began hanging upside down from the ceiling. Just then one of my coworkers (she's blonde..it'll be important later) came in and asked me what I'm doing.
"Shh," I said, "I'm acting crazy to get a few days off. I'm a light bulb." A second later the Boss walked by and asked me what I was doing.
"I'm a light bulb!" I exclaimed.
"You're going crazy," he said. "Take a few days off."
With that, I jumped down and started walking out. My coworker started following me and the Boss asked where she was going.
"I can't work in the dark," she said.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Blonde, my arse! That was a brilliant reply!!!! 
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Maestro
Master Sergeant
The Lord came to Noah, in Canada, in the year 2004. The earth was wicked and over-populated. The Lord instructed Noah to build another Ark and save two of every living thing along with a few good humans. "Here's the blueprint", said the Lord. "Hurry.... in six months I start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his flooded yard.... and no ark. "Noah", He roared, "Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go!
I gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space.
Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union trades-people with Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the Canada Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally as well as with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder."You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked.
"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it"
Six months later the rain started. The Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his flooded yard.... and no ark. "Noah", He roared, "Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah. "Things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and the height limitation being exceeded. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then Transport Canada and the Department of Highways and Hydro wanted a bond posted for the future costs of moving power, trolley and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I argued the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of this.
Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls. No go!
I gathered the animals, but then I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. As well, they argued the accommodation was too restrictive and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in so confined a space.
Environment Canada decided that I could not build the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood.
I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. The trades union wants me to hire only Union trades-people with Ark building experience.
To make matters worse, the Canada Revenue Agency seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally as well as with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least ten years to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared and the sun began to shine. A rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder."You mean you're not going to destroy the world?" he asked.
"No", said the Lord. "The Government beat me to it"
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Funny....yet sadly true, when you think about it.
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