Quotes and Jokes
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mikewint
Captain
the scariest thing in the world: a man from the government stating that he is here to help you 
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
mikewint
Captain
in vietnam, the army brought in beer by the truck load and hard stuff too. jack d was better than money. now i hear alcohol is a no-no and a DUI is career ending 
Maestro
Master Sergeant
Achmed the Dead Terrorist trying to "survive" USMC basic training...
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udgMF3au5Wo
View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=udgMF3au5Wo
Maestro
Master Sergeant
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
mikewint
Captain
gives the phrase:Speed Radar enforced" a whole new meaning
One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her so we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's ***** doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said, 'OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks.' He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him. My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'. They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet.The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's ***** doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it, and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!' Then he closed the door.
Now THAT, my friends, is getting even!
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
BWAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
mikewint
Captain
great story
An old Italian Mafia Don is dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside. "Grandson, I wanna you lissina to me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome plated .38 revolver so you will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
" You lissina me. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos.
" Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then... pointa to your watch and say, Times Up?"
"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
" You lissina me. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big home and maybe a couple of bambinos.
" Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. "Whatta you gonna do then... pointa to your watch and say, Times Up?"
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
mikewint
Captain
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Good ones !
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Maestro
Master Sergeant
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