Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
So I guess I'll never understand women.
Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
- Thread starter v2
- Start date
Ad: This forum contains affiliate links to products on Amazon and eBay. More information in Terms and rules
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Ah, crap!!! All this time, I've been carrying the 2!!!!
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Just got this in my mail.
Subject: Always Wanted To Know
This may be a repeat--but--what the heck??
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ...)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
(Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy
facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a
chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
(and God love that pig!)
Subject: Always Wanted To Know
This may be a repeat--but--what the heck??
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig..)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to
death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Don't try this at home, maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm.... ...)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(Okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light..
(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
(Do the dolphins know about the pig?)
Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy
facts and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to, maybe even a
chuckle.
In other words, send it to everyone!
(and God love that pig!)
mikewint
Captain
v2, tried that years ago, doesn't work whether you carry the two or not
Aaron, saw that a few years back but it is still great
Aaron, saw that a few years back but it is still great
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
v2, tried that years ago, doesn't work whether you carry the two or not
Aaron, saw that a few years back but it is still great
Yeah, you carry two women and you will definitely have problems.
mikewint
Captain
a few times in Vietnam but i was 23 then and they were tiny 4'10" or so
Last edited:
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
HOW TO PHOTOGRAPH A NEW PUPPY
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
today'sTHOT============================
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
today'sTHOT============================
Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
tail end charlie
Senior Airman
- 615
- Aug 24, 2010
University boffins were discussing why a mans organ had a helmet at the tip. Oxford university concluded it was to give the woman greater pleasure. Cambridge university concluded it was to give the man greater pleasure. Glasgow university concluded it was to stop the mans hand from slipping off.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
A doctor from Israel says: "In Israel the medicine is so
advanced that we cut off a man's testicles; we put them into another man, and
in 6 weeks he is looking for work."
The German doctor comments: "That's nothing, in Germany
we take part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person's
head, and in 4 weeks he is looking for work."
A Russian doctor says: "That's nothing either. In Russia we take out
half of the heart from a person; we put it into another person's chest, and in
2 weeks he is looking for work."
The U.S. doctor answers immediately: "That's nothing my colleagues, you
are way behind us....in the USA (about a year ago) we grabbed a person with no
brains, no heart, and no balls....we made him President
of the United States , and now.......the whole country is looking for
work !!!"
mikewint
Captain
ABW, surely you do not speak ill of our noble commander-in-chief 
Rabid, very nice
now i know why Darth needed that breathing mask
Rabid, very nice
now i know why Darth needed that breathing mask
Last edited:
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Who.........me.
