vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Nice...........
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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Nice...........
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe properly and was telling the men how to give the necessary assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just make frequent stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room raised his hand.
"Yes," answered the Instructor.
"Would be OK if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
---- This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught......
She said "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just make frequent stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path."
She looked at the men in the room, "and Gentlemen, remember -- You're in this together -- It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her."
The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.
Then a man at the back of the room raised his hand.
"Yes," answered the Instructor.
"Would be OK if she carries a golf bag while we walk?"
---- This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught......
mikewint
Captain
oh i don't know, sounds like a good way to exercise both the upper and lower body to me 
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vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbour was concerned, "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Tim patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Maestro
Master Sergeant
I won't even say the punch line that came to my mind...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?
"You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving with you in the bloody car."
Suddenly her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful ... CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
Careful ... CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY?
Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What the hell is wrong with you?
"You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it
feels like when I'm driving with you in the bloody car."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
..
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
A woman calls her boss one morning and tells him that she is staying home because she is not feeling well.
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of Acute Anal Glaucoma," she says in a very weak voice.
Her boss pauses then asks, "What the hell is Acute Anal Glaucoma?"
"Well, I just can't see my ass coming into work today."
"What's the matter?" he asks.
"I have a case of Acute Anal Glaucoma," she says in a very weak voice.
Her boss pauses then asks, "What the hell is Acute Anal Glaucoma?"
"Well, I just can't see my ass coming into work today."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Heh....I've used that one before. Doesn't work when your boss is pretty sharp. Dangit.
Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Ted loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell his wife?"
They cut cards. Bob picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news to Ted's wife.
They tell him to be discreet; be gentle; don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."
Bob goes over to Ted's apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.
Bob declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife.
"I'll go tell him," says Bob.
They cut cards. Bob picks the two of clubs and has to carry the news to Ted's wife.
They tell him to be discreet; be gentle; don't make a bad situation any worse.
"Discreet? I'm the most discreet person you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."
Bob goes over to Ted's apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.
Bob declares, "Your husband just lost $500 and is afraid to come home."
"Tell him to drop dead!" says the wife.
"I'll go tell him," says Bob.
Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Love it !
mikewint
Captain
RA, excellent as always
Wayne, also excellent, i love the eggs story
Wayne, also excellent, i love the eggs story
