Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)

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Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.


Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
 
The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The nav replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the nav replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."
 
A Senior and a State Trooper




A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of
the dealership.

Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.

"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing?

I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette.

He looked at his watch, and then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes,
today is Friday, if you can give me a new reason for speeding -- a reason I've never before heard -- I'll let you go."

The old gentleman paused then said: "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.

"Have a good day, Sir," replied the trooper.
 
In addition to communicating with the local Air Traffic Control facility, all aircraft in the Pursian Gulf AOR are required to give the Iranian Military Air Defense Radar a ten minute 'heads up' if they will be transiting Iranian airspace.
The following conversation was heard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz.



Iranian Air Defense Radar: "Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself."
Aircraft: "This is a United States aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace."
Air Defense Radar: "You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!"
Aircraft: "This is a United States Marine Corps FA-18 fighter. Send 'em up. I'll wait."
Air Defense Radar: (total silence)

WARMS MY HEART..........
 
A new supermarket opened in Fort Worth, Texas. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut Hay.

In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks, brats and franks.

In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.

When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma bacon and eggs frying.

The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread cookies.

But I don't buy toilet paper there anymore...
 

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