The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.
The auditor says, "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you endeavor to explain away by saying you win money gambling. I'm not that sure the IRS finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it," says Grandpa. "How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment. "Okay, go ahead."
Grandpa says, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars I can bite my own eye."
The auditor thinks a moment, then says, "It's a bet."
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye."
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes that he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney, right there, as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
"Want to go double or nothing?" Grandpa asks. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars I can stand on one side of your desk and urinate into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully at the desk and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt; so, he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants but although he strains mightily he can't quite make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor's desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head down in his hands.
"Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the attorney. "This morning, you see, when Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars he could come in here and urinate all over your desk, and you'd be happy about it!"