vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
GARY........YOUR KILLING ME!!!!!LMAO!!!!!!!
Thin Ice Gary! Seems you crashed through it!...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Those made me laugh...and cry...and laugh....and.......
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats were.
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,
and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
"CoffeeBreak,,,,do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,
ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
drank the milk,,,,,,,,,
messed on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
had sex with the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,
put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............
The first man was an Engineer,
the second man was an Accountant,
the third man was a Chemist,,,,,,and
the fourth man was a Government Employee.
To show off, the Engineer called his cat,
"T-square, do your stuff."
T-square pranced over to the desk, took out some paper and pen and promptly drew a circle, a square,
and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was pretty smart.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called his cat and said, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff." Spreadsheet went out to the kitchen and returned
with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies.............Everyone agreed that was good.
But the Chemist said his cat could do better. He called his cat and said,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,"Measure, do your stuff."
Measure got up, walked to the fridge, took out a quart of milk,, got a 10 ounce glass from the cupboard and poured exactly 8 ounces without spilling a drop into the glass.
Everyone agreed that was pretty good.
Then the three men turned to the Government Employee and said, "What can your cat do?"
The Government Employee called his cat and said,,,,,
"CoffeeBreak,,,,do your stuff."
CoffeeBreak jumped to his feet,,,,,,,,,,,
ate the cookies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
drank the milk,,,,,,,,,
messed on the paper,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
had sex with the other three cats,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
claimed he injured his back while doing so,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
filed a grievance report for unsafe working conditions,,,
put in for Workers Compensation...............and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.............
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
that's a talented cat.
ToughOmbre
Senior Master Sergeant
A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it at dinner.
"Son, where were you today?"
Son says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!"
"What dvd?"
"Toy Story."
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps the mom.....
TO
"Son, where were you today?"
Son says "at school dad."
Robot slaps the son!
"Ok, I watched a dvd at my mates!"
"What dvd?"
"Toy Story."
Robot slaps the son again!
"Ok, it was a porno" cries the son.
"What! When I was your age I didn't know what porn was" says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mom laughs "HaHaHa! He's certainly your son."
Robot slaps the mom.....
TO
pbfoot
1st Lieutenant
Thing you'll never see
A pedophile speeding through a school zone
A pedophile speeding through a school zone
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
That's just WRONG Niel!
Still funny though!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
As they passed a barnyard of mules, the wife sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the husband replied, "In-laws."
Even the Missus cackled at that one...
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Anyone know the difference between inlaws and outlaws?
Outlaws are WANTED.
Outlaws are WANTED.
