Quotes and Jokes

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A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving
his Mission in the jungle where he has spent years teaching
the natives, when he realizes that the one thing he never
taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a
tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree."

The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The Priest is pleased with the response.
They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says,
"This is a rock."

Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The Priest was really getting enthusiastic about the results when
he hears a rustling in the bushes.

As they peek over the top, he sees a couple of natives in the
midst of heavy sexual activity.

The Priest is really flustered and quickly responds,
"Man riding a bike."

The chief looks at the couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and
kills them.

The Priest goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent
years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each
other, so how could he kill these people in cold blood that way?

The chief replied,
"My bike."
 
Interesting piece of history!

In 1272, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea, by taking the intestine out of
the goat first.

I hope you appreciate this update.
 
A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained.

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What in the world was that for?"

She replied, "Your horse called"!
 
I dialed a number and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."
 
Ha! Would I love to have that on my voicemail at work. That would certainly lead to some changes in my life!

A man is driving along an country road and picks up a hitch hiker. The hitch hiker gets in and after exchanging pleasantries notices a paper bag with a bottle in it beside the seat.

"is that a bottle of booze?" he asks the driver.

"Yeah, I got it for my wife" is the reply.

"Wow", he says. "Good trade!"
 

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