Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)

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All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."


"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
and insulted him,
so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
.
The Moral of the story?
Even though the others do all the work...
The ass hole is usually in charge


 
Bill and his wife Blanche went to the state fair every year,

And every year Bill would say,

" Blanche, I'd like to ride in that helicopter "

Blanche always replied,

" I know Bill, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks,

And fifty bucks is fifty bucks! "

One year Bill and Blanche went to the fair, and Bill said,

" Blanche, I'm 85 years old.

If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance "

To this, Blanche replied,

" Bill that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks "

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

" Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny!

But if you say one word it's fifty dollars. "

Bill and Blanche agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard.

He did his daredevil tricks over and over again,

But still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said,

" By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't.

I'm impressed! "

Bill replied,


" Well, to tell you the truth

I almost said something when Blanche fell out,

But you know,

Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!
 
Peter (the very rich person) and his wife have a dinner in fancy restoraunt.
At one moment beautifull young woman came to their table and give a kiss to Peter and tell him that he call her after the dinner.
Wife (annoyed): Who is that?
Peter: My mistress
Wife (very angry): You pig... I want a divorce
Peter (calm): No problem my dear but remember that if we divorce there is no any more money for you, luxury, gold, weekends in villas, nice new car...
After that wife didnt say any word about divorce and continue to dinner.

Few moments later in restoraunt enter Mike, very good friend of Peter and his wife.
But with Mike is not his wife, he walk hugged with another young beautifull woman and gone to another part of restoraunt.

Wife: Who is that with Mike?
Peter: His mistress

Wife start thinking and after few second says: Ah, our mistress is pritier


Cheers
Roman
 
A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in Dublin . She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?" The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her, but down at the end of the bar, an owl-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed "Give the ballerina a drink!"

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and
asked "What man here will buy a lady a drink?"

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!" The bartender approached the little drunk and said "Tell me, Murphy , it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?"

The drunk replied, "Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina 0♪0
 
Top 5 qualities of a woman:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
 
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.

The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.

"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated by check. "I know you need to make sure the check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank on Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."

"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"
 
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