Quotes and Jokes (1 Viewer)
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
michaelmaltby
Colonel
Hard not to laugh at this one:
Captain of capsized cruise ship Costa Concordia says sacking unfair | World | News | Toronto Sun
Captain of capsized cruise ship Costa Concordia says sacking unfair | World | News | Toronto Sun
There was a small church in Texas that had a very
big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently
bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately,
she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and
female.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said
something had to be done about this or they would have to get another
organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and
told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of
her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat
any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your
mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week!. The
perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the
pulpit and said..Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not
haff a thermon tewday
big-busted organist. Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently
bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately,
she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and
female.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said
something had to be done about this or they would have to get another
organist.
So, one of the ladies approached her, very discreetly, and
told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of
her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat
any of the green persimmons, because they are so sour they will make your
mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week!. The
perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the
pulpit and said..Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not
haff a thermon tewday
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
I think its funny that he thinks he has even a peg leg to stand on...
How the hells bells did he ever make Capitan surely he knows that the Ships Captain is where the buck stops under, during and in such traumatic and costly cases; sure he is only pat of the crew and human, but he is also the apex, the overseer, while he can attribute some blame upon others, he cannot do so at the ignorance of his own, lest he make himeself appear more inept than those under his guidance.
If he successfully wins his damages, he'd better use the money for protection methinks, 32 families would want him, let alone anyone armed with rotten fruit and dairy products or anything more 'ripe'.
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The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar. "I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied,
"Breakfast."
"There is," he replied,
"Breakfast."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees,
I lasted less than a day ......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into
the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Walmart."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Don't be f*cking stupid. Of course they aren't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7.
Why the h*ll would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam..
I just couldn't believe someone screwed you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
(personal note....I'd've given the guy a raise!)
I lasted less than a day ......
About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into
the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, "Good morning and welcome to Walmart."
I then said, "Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
"Don't be f*cking stupid. Of course they aren't twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one' s 7.
Why the h*ll would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, or just stupid?"
I replied, "I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam..
I just couldn't believe someone screwed you twice.
Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart."
My Supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.
(personal note....I'd've given the guy a raise!)
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
To quote Walter," Welcome to Wal Mart, get your **** and get out!"
meatloaf109
1st Lieutenant
Or "Family Guy" with Dick Channey as a greeter, "Go F*** yourself, go f*** yourself, go f*** yourself"
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
