meatloaf109
1st Lieutenant
Hmmm...
Well, as the dishonest butcher said as he handed out the empty sausage casings, "Happy Hollow-weenie!"
Well, as the dishonest butcher said as he handed out the empty sausage casings, "Happy Hollow-weenie!"
Quotes and Jokes
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A young woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange development on the inside of her thighs . . . a green spot on the inside of each. "They won't wash off, they won't scrape off and they seem to be getting worse."
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.
A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"
The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come back.
A few days later, the woman's phone rings. Much to her relief, it's the doctor. She immediately begs to know what's causing the spots.
The doctor says, "You're perfectly healthy - - there's no problem. But I'm wondering, is your boyfriend a Harley guy?"
The woman stammers, "Why, yes, but how did you know?"
"Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."
michaelmaltby
Colonel
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Oh Yeah...
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Max Arlene lived by a lake in Nordern Minnesota.
It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.
Max asked Arlene if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da
yeneral store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money
but he told her, "Nah, yust put it on our tab."
So Arlene valked across, got the beer at da yeneral store, den walked
back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Max his beer,
she asked him, "Max, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at
da store. Why didn't you yust give me some money?"
Max replied, "Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money
ven I vasn't sure how tick the ice vas yet."
It vas early vinter and da lake had froze over.
Max asked Arlene if she vould valk across da frozen lake to da
yeneral store to get him some beer. She asked him for some money
but he told her, "Nah, yust put it on our tab."
So Arlene valked across, got the beer at da yeneral store, den walked
back home across the lake. Ven she got home and gave Max his beer,
she asked him, "Max, you alvays tell me not to run up da tab at
da store. Why didn't you yust give me some money?"
Max replied, "Vell, I didn't vant to send you out dere vit some money
ven I vasn't sure how tick the ice vas yet."
newly wed, female possibly blonde id in a drug store shopping for toiletries rememebers her husband had asked for her to pick up some deodourant. not sure where to look she asks the clerk. clerk ask what type. Ball? No she says armpits
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation. As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well - if something happens to me - your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
today'sTHOT============================
Tried to play my shoehorn. Managed to make some footnotes.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and just remember, if it doesn't go well - if something happens to me - your mother is going to come and live with you and your wife."
today'sTHOT============================
Tried to play my shoehorn. Managed to make some footnotes.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Who is the Boss?
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.
The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."
The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."
The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."
And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.
Finally, the azzhole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.
All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the azzhole being the boss. The azzhole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function.
Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All pleaded with the brain to let the azzhole be declared the boss.
And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the azzhole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.
THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old azzhole.
Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single azzhole.
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss.
The brain said, "since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss."
The feet said, "since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then I should be the boss."
The hands said, "since I must do all the work and earn all the money to keep the rest of you going, I should be the boss."
And so it went with the eyes, the heart, the lungs, and all the other parts of the body, each giving the reason why they should be the boss.
Finally, the azzhole spoke up and said it was going to be the boss.
All the other parts laughed and laughed at the idea of the azzhole being the boss. The azzhole got so angry that he blocked himself off and refused to function.
Soon the brain was feverish and could barely think, the feet felt like lead weights and was almost too weak to drag the body anywhere, the eyes grew bleary, and the hands hung useless at the sides. All pleaded with the brain to let the azzhole be declared the boss.
And so it happened; all the other parts did all the work and the azzhole just bossed and passed out a lot of crap.
THE MORAL: You don't have to be a brain to be a boss, just an old azzhole.
Alternate moral: No matter how well things are going, it can all be shut down by a single azzhole.
