RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
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michaelmaltby
Colonel
Drinking and Driving
I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many martinis and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.
Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.
Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.
I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.
I would like to share an experience with you about drinking and driving. As you well know, some of us have been lucky not to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from the various social sessions over the years.
A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many martinis and then topped it off with a margarita. Not a good idea.
Knowing full well I was at least slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I took a taxi home.
Sure enough I passed a police road block but because it was a taxi, they waved it past.
I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.
I have never driven a taxi before and am not sure where I got it.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Good ones guys! 
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
An ironworker calmly walked the narrow beam 15 floors above the city street. Even with heavy winds blowing and a driving rain falling, he showed no fear and never hesitated.
When he came down to ground level a man who had been watching asked, "How did you ever get a job like that?"
"Well," replied the ironworker, "I used to drive a school bus, but my nerves gave out."
When he came down to ground level a man who had been watching asked, "How did you ever get a job like that?"
"Well," replied the ironworker, "I used to drive a school bus, but my nerves gave out."
Crimea_River
Marshal
Too right!
Cool!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve, and the mall was packed. As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.
In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago - where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up, and started to cry. She said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you remember the jewelry store we went into about 5 years ago - where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we could not afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?"
The wife choked up, and started to cry. She said, "Yes, I remember that jewelry store."
He said, "Well, I'm in the bar right next to it."
muscogeemike
Senior Airman
Just heard this:
In the 60's a UK radio is interviewing a WWII RAF pilot. The pilot is describing an encounter during the Battle of Britain - "I was over the channel and this Fokker got on my tail…".
The interviewer interrupted the pilot and said "by Fokker you mean a Focke Wulf?".
The pilot said "No, the Fokker on me was flying a Messerschmitt!".
In the 60's a UK radio is interviewing a WWII RAF pilot. The pilot is describing an encounter during the Battle of Britain - "I was over the channel and this Fokker got on my tail…".
The interviewer interrupted the pilot and said "by Fokker you mean a Focke Wulf?".
The pilot said "No, the Fokker on me was flying a Messerschmitt!".
- Thread starter
- #6,057
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, 'Pierre, kiss me!'
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Pierre ?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!'
She smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.
'Pierre! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!'
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude: and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me much lower!'
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, 'PIERRE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly,
.
.
.
.
.
.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!'*
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, 'Pierre, kiss me!'
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Pierre ?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!'
She smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.
'Pierre! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!'
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude: and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me much lower!'
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, 'PIERRE, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly,
.
.
.
.
.
.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!'*
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
I was half expecting him to cover her in a white flag!
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
