Airframes
Benevolens Magister
I've told that one many times, in a 'Allo, Allo' French accent. The best reception it got was in an hotel - in the French Alps!!
Great joke.
Great joke.
Quotes and Jokes (2 Viewers)
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Crimea_River
Marshal
that's great Andy! 
michaelmaltby
Colonel
A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded
weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - - "thank God we can all still drive."
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee."
"I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!"
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded
weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another.
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully - - "thank God we can all still drive."
Crimea_River
Marshal
That would be funnier if it weren't so true.
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- #6,070
An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed
it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.'
Holding the bucket up he said,
'I'm here to feed the alligator...'
Some old men can still think fast.
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
Aaron Brooks Wolters
Brigadier General
Crimea_River
Marshal
Newfy jokes!
Newfy 1: "Hey Shamus, ever wake up feelin' grumpy?"
Shamus: "Naw, I usually just lets 'er sleep."
Newfy 1: "Hey Shamus, ever wake up feelin' grumpy?"
Shamus: "Naw, I usually just lets 'er sleep."
RabidAlien
1st Lieutenant
As I was driving home this week worrying about all the crap going on in the world and at how my life was falling apart, I saw a yard sign that read:
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-006-3787
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican with a lawnmower showed up.
NEED HELP?
CALL JESUS
1-800-006-3787
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican with a lawnmower showed up.
Was sent these today...
I have quite a few that I can't post unfortunately, but still reckon these are good !
Oh yeah, the dogs owner replies in the green boxes
I have quite a few that I can't post unfortunately, but still reckon these are good !
Oh yeah, the dogs owner replies in the green boxes
