vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
Quotes and Jokes (4 Viewers)
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Airframes
Benevolens Magister
Now that I've stopped choking, and wiped the coffee off the monitor screen ...................... bl**dy hilarious !!!!
wheelsup_cavu
1st Sergeant
Texting
The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.
The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She texted:
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
The middle-aged couple had finally learned how to send and receive texts on their cell phones.
The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she'd send her husband a text while she was out of the house having coffee with a friend. She texted:
- If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
- If you are laughing, send me your smile.
- If you are eating, send me a bite.
- If you are drinking, send me a sip.
- If you are crying, send me your tears.
- I love you.
The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:
- I'm on the toilet. Please advise.
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
LMAO
michaelmaltby
Colonel
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
That was great!
ian lanc
Senior Airman
Yep rather shite joke but very funny indeed.
fubar57
General
Quite possibly already posted amongst the 434 pages..
Geo
Geo
vikingBerserker
Lieutenant General
fubar57
General
With great apologies Wojtek.
Geo
Geo
- Thread starter
- #6,515
OBAMA AT BANK OF AMERICA
President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to.
I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama:
Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check."
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States ?"
Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue.
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
President Obama walks into the Bank of America to cash a check. As he approaches the cashier he says, "Good morning Ma'am, could you please cash this check for me?"
Cashier:
"It would be my pleasure sir. Could you please show me your ID?"
Obama:
"Truthfully, I did not bring my ID with me as I didn't think there was any need to.
I am President Barack Obama, the President of the United States of AMERICA !!!!"
Cashier:
"Yes sir, I know who you are, but with all the regulations and monitoring of the banks because of impostors and forgers and requirements of the Dodd/Frank legislation, etc., I must insist on seeing ID."
Obama:
Just ask anyone here at the bank who I am and they will tell you. Everybody knows who I am."
Cashier:
"I am sorry Mr. President but these are the bank rules and I must follow them."
Obama:
"I am urging you, please, to cash this check."
Cashier:
"Look Mr. President, here is an example of what we can do. One day, Tiger Woods came into the bank without ID. To prove he was Tiger Woods he pulled out his putter and made a beautiful shot across the bank into a cup. With that shot we knew him to be Tiger Woods and cashed his check.
Another time, Andre Agassi came in without ID. He pulled out his tennis racquet and made a fabulous shot whereas the tennis ball landed in my cup. With that shot we cashed his check.
So, Mr. President, what can you do to prove that it is you, and only you, as the President of the United States ?"
Obama:
Obama stands there thinking, and thinking, and finally says, "Honestly, my mind is a total blank...there is nothing that comes to my mind. I can't think of a single thing. I have absolutely no idea what to do and I don't have a clue.
Cashier:
"Will that be large or small bills, Mr. President?
Old Wizard
2nd Lieutenant
razor1uk
Staff Sergeant
Funny, and not as bad as I thought it'd turn out to be, but a nice jape none the less 
he does appear (over 'ere) to mumble less made up anecdotes, that make less sense as he carries on 'the fly' than the last one did when flummoxed.
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he does appear (over 'ere) to mumble less made up anecdotes, that make less sense as he carries on 'the fly' than the last one did when flummoxed.(
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